Perpetual Infatuation

13: Texts

Tears are just not stopping, I'm not a cry baby still I'm crying like never before. I don't know why, is it because you rejected me, or no one likes me.

I feel so lonely in this overpopulated world.

Everything is so messed up Manik, I'm a fool to even write these. I never shared my feelings to anyone, but I don't know why I'm writing these.

Anyways, I hope Ivy league is treating you well!

Day 39-
So here I'm, back to the University. College does not feels like before, people seemed changed or maybe I got changed.

Results are going to be declared after a few days and I'm shit scared of that.

Day 45-
My results for the 3rd semester came today. I got 7.18 CGPA, the lowest I ever got. I'm so so disappointed from myself. I never got this much marks. I could have done a lot better.

I lied to mumma that results aren't declared yet. God, I have goals to achieve and here I'm behaving like love struck teenager, All because of YOU.

P.s: my results are bad because I spend all my time thinking about you and I hate myself for doing that.

Day 57-
If only I had a Time Machine.....

Day 64-
I'm not going to dull my shine because of you or anyone else in that matter.

Day 79-
Hey Manik,
Its been weeks since I texted you.

I was busy with my studies. Also, I deleted all your pics from my phone, blocked you on Instagram and trying to stop thinking about you.

The only thing which I'm not able to do is to delete these chats. These are my unfiltered, unspoken, and undiscussed feelings.

Day 80-
Who knew that your chats would become my personal diary?

Day 83-
You might not know this, but my mumma know about you, not exactly know you but she knew that I've been liking this guy since forever.

She was asking about you today and I literally wanted to avoid the talk but my mother can be as stubborn as me so, I told her that we are not in contact.

Day 90-
Hey you handsome,
I'm missing you so so so much today that I can't put my feelings into words.

Who thought a mere infatuation would be this strong to turn into a perpetual Infatuation?

Day 94-
Quick reminder for myself:
I'm strong, and I'm enough. I don't need anybody to survive or to live.

Day 101-
So, I put some thought and I realised that You used me Manik

You used me for your own peace in return of crushing my mental peace.

I would never forgive you for this.

Day 115-
I hope, I really hope to never see you again but if we did, I want myself to be strong enough to meet you with my head held high and not feel anything.

Day 121-
I'm missing you again...

Missing you makes me feel so stupid, because while you're in my mind, I'm not anywhere closed to yours.

P.s: Exams been going on.

Day 144-
Its been 6 months!

People keep track of their birthdays and anniversaries, then there is me counting days from how long I haven't saw you.