Ma Fille Chérie | Billie Eilish

vingt-sept

a/n:

thank you for all the happy birthdays!!

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sorry i didn't update yesterday, god forbid i have a life outside of wattpad

billie eilish, november 8th

los angeles | CA

"mommy stay still" i scolded as lilou moved under me, i was trying to brush her long brown hair. "sorry bébé " she chuckled looking at me in the mirror, the purple pacifier tucked in my cheek so i could talk. 

"there, you beau'iful!" i exclaimed after a few moments, fluffing up her now really messy hair after i decided i combed it through enough. 

"thank you, angel, it does make me look very beautiful"

i nodded, before suddenly gasping and jumping up. "you good, love?" the older girl asked me. i dropped to my knees and crawled underneath my bed. "what are you doing under there, billie?" she asked grabbing onto my ankle and gently tugging me back out.

"noo, 'm gettin' somefinnn'" i whined kicking my legs about, trying to get lilou to let go. i grabbed onto a box and shimmied back out from under the bed. i pushed the box to lilou after noticing the tape over the lid, "open it for me, p'ease?" 

"what's in here?" 

"open it!" i said bouncing on my knees, ignoring her question. lilou tore off the tape and opened the lid for me, exposing all my holiday barbies i had been gifted for christmas every year as a child. i sifted through them all, grabbing my favorite one.

2009, holiday celebration barbie.

her pink dress always was so pretty to me, especially with the gold bow. i liked her eye shadow and earrings too. "uhm, i have dis one, you can have uhhh dis one!" i said grabbing lilou the next year's barbie, 2010.

she was super pretty, like her. but her dress was too christmassy for me. 

"thanks love, do you want me to play with you?"

"uh huh," i nodded.

♡

"and dennn dey kiss!" i cheered pressing my barbies face into lilou's making her laugh. her phone rang loudly, startling me and cutting off her giggle. "merde! sorry baby, that was scary huh" lilou cursed, fumbling to grab her phone out of her bag. she pulled it out and checked the caller id, her face falling slightly.

"i've gotta take this angel, can you wait here for a few minutes by yourself?" lilou said getting up from my bedroom floor. "oh, mhm-hmm, billie be otay mommy" 

she walked out of the bedroom after flashing me a quick smile before shutting the door behind her, answering the call. i continued to play with the barbies by myself on the hard-wood floor while i waited. 

i undressed all the dolls, and mix-matched their outfits to the way i think suited them. i lined them all up on the floor, ready to show lilou when she came back.

"mommy!" i squealed as she opened the door but quickly realized that was a bad idea. i quietened down and hoped no one had heard me. she looked upset, so i cocked my head, "you 'kay?"

she bit her lip, "i- have to go home, i'm really sorry"

"h-home? why?" i asked, my heart dropping. "uh, maybe i'll tell you when your big, okay? i have to leave, i promise you i really don't want to, but i can't stay, i'm sorry" she said looking down at her feet, her tone soft and sad.

panic set in, "but-but billie small" i stammered getting up from the floor. "i know, i know, dieu, je-" 

"mommy, no, you can't go" i shook my head repeatedly, the pacifier slowly slipping out of my mouth from my trembling bottom lip. as much as i tried to pull myself out of headspace again, i couldn't do it. 

i was getting too upset.

 "i'm really sorry ma chérie, here how 'bout you put this on" lilou said walking over to my dresser, where she had seen her sweater resting.

"you can keep this, angel, it's all yours."

she slid the sweater over my head gently and helped me get my arms in. "billie don't want you to go" i hiccuped grabbing onto her. "i don't want to go either baby, i'll call you tomorrow, you're so brave" lilou said taking my hands and holding them in her own. 

she sounded like she was in a rush, hurrying to get home.

"no," i shook my head, i didn't want to accept it. she can't leave me. the taller teen pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head, letting her lips linger, "i know you won't be able understand me but je t'aime billie, vraiment."

lilou let go of my waist and went to grab her bag, she blew me a kiss as she walked out of my bedroom a guilty look flashing in her eyes.

the pacifier fell from between my lips and onto the floor as a sob finally escaped my throat. my small body crumbled to the floor and sat in a heap, my eyes burning from the tears pouring out of them.

♡

"billie? is that you?" a few knocks on my bedroom door stopped my crying for a moment. i sniffled and looked at the door, "...are you okay?" 

as soon as those three words left claudia's mouth, my shoulders shook again. a croaked whimper leaving my throat. the door handle turned and my brothers girlfriend poked her head into my bedroom, scanning it until her eyes fell on me.

"are you alright billie?" 

before i could even think about my response, i watched claudia's eyes fall to the purple silicone object in front of me.

 my heart started thumping in my rib cage, the pounding getting harder with each breath i took. i wanted to kick it away but my body was frozen in place, staring at the girl in fear.

her gaze shifted back to me, eyebrows furrowed with genuine concern. "where's lilou?" she asked me as she stepped into the room. "s-she has g-go home" i choked out, wiping my eyes with the sleeves of lilou's sweater.

claudia seemed a bit confused with the way my voice sounded, i completely forgot about my mental state when she asked about lilou. "she had to go home?" she asked. i hummed, nodding.

"is that's what's got you so worked up?" claudia asked walking over toward me slowly, watching for my reaction. 

"i don't remember you sounding like this when i saw you last, is something going on?"