Ma Fille Chérie | Billie Eilish

vingt-deux

a/n:

nearly 8K <333

thank youuuuuuuu

also i don't know how arcades and malls work in anywhere but my home town in aus so if i doesn't  make sense sorryyyyy lolll

billie eilish, november 8th

los angeles | CA

"what the fuck! i totally beat you! this game is rigged!" i threw my hand up at the arcade game i was playing with lilou- that i clearly won. "billie, its okay" lilou laughed, getting the tickets from the game. "no, it's not okay" i scowled folding my arms.

"we need a re-match."

"my love, we've re-matched 3 times" lilou reminded. "whatever this sucks" i sulked getting up. "i think we should go" lilou said bundling up all the tickets in her hand.

"why? i haven't even won any of the games yet!"

"because miss cranky pants over here needs some food in her system" lilou said taking my hand and walking with me up to the counter of the arcade. i didn't respond, salty about how she kept beating me.

lilou put on the tickets on the table and the man minding the desk counted them up. "that's a total of 600 points, great work! you can pick from these prizes down to these, have a think and call me over when you've made a decision" the man cheered before walking a few feet away to a computer.

lilou nudged me, but i didn't pay attention to her. "billie, c'mon look at me" she laughed. i kept my eyes on my scuffed air forces. "oh mon amour," she sighed chuckling.

why was this funny to her?!

"hey, can i have that, yeah that one just there"

lilou grabbed my hand after getting handed her prize and walked me out of the dark room. "billie, i want you to have this" she said letting go of my hand and standing in front of me so i could see what she had in her arms.

my eyes lit up at the stuffed animal. i gasped softly and reached out to the teddy, my smaller mind trying to take over. i held the pink bunny in my hands gratefully.

it was so soft.

"do you like it? i was gonna get you to pick but you didn't wanna look at me"

"i love it! thank you!" i squealed but quickly dropped the bunny and smacked my hands over my mouth.

too loud, billie.

"oh no! bunny!"

"inside voices bil," lilou reminded picking up the stuffie for me, not helping this situation in the slightest. i was trying my hardest to suppress the urges in the back of my mind.

i can't do this in public. i have to say big until we get home, i can't ruin another day with lilou. 

"sorry lou-lou" i mumbled taking back the pink toy. i hadn't even realized what i said until it was too late. lilou quirked a brow, "are you slipping?"

i shook my head, "no, uhm let's go get food"

she interlocked our fingers together and started walking toward the food court. i held the bunny under my arm.

thinking about how i looked next to the taller girl; hand in hand, and the fact i was holding a stuffed animal-  made it extremely hard not to feel small.

"what do you feel like eating ange?"

"dunno" i shrugged. "is there any other things you can't eat?" lilou asked, not wanting to make the same mistake as last time.

"well i can eat dairy, it just hurts my tummy sometimes" i said. "so no gluten and dairy, that's gonna be so easy to find food for us" lilou joked sarcastically.

"i said i can eat it lou- lilou" i said stumbling on my words. lilou could tell what was happening but she chose not to address it, saving my embarrassment.

"i don't really wanna be holding your hair back in the bathroom again baby, and i'm sure you don't want a repeat of last week, do you?"

"nuh uh" i shook my head. shoot, i was really starting to slip. 

i looked up to lilou, panic set in my eyes. "let's go sit down," she said picking up her pace slightly. she took me over to a table and sat me down in a plastic chair. 

"how old are you feeling, darling?" lilou asked putting her bag down on the chair opposite me. i shrugged again. i'd never really thought about how old i feel when i slip, i'd only ever slipped a few times.

i'm still very new to this whole age regression thing.

"can you guess?"

"uhm, i'm not little billie, but i'm not big billie" i said quietly. 

"okay, bad time to explain but i have hypoglycemia, which basically means if i don't eat or drink i might pass out and i can feel the shakes coming on so i have to go get some food, will you be okay to sit here while i get something quickly or would you like to come with me?"

the thought of lilou passing out, and me being too small minded to help, stressed me the hell out.

"shit, sorry angel! i didn't mean to worry you, i'm okay, i've just gotta go get some food" lilou assured seeing my eyes laced with anxiety. 

"oh, okay, go get food, i'll be okay here, i don't want you sick" i said slightly pushing her toward the food outlets. "okay, i'll be back soon, text me if you need" she said, quickly pecking my nose before walking away.

i was a little sad she didn't kiss my lips, but i'm sure she was being wary of my mental state, not wanting to take advantage of it. 

i was a little nervous being by myself. i had the pink stuffie on my lap so that helped a bit. i played with the bunny's ears, thinking of a name for her.

it wasn't helping my regression, but it was calming my separation anxiety that i now realized i most definitely had a form of. 

because i was hungry, food was the only thing that kept coming to my mind when thinking about names for my new stuffed animal.

strawb.

i'm naming her strawb. like a strawberry, because she's pink! and, i love strawberries.