Under the Rose

Chapter 16 | Human Nature

CAUS

What defined being human? Was it feeling emotion? Were you only human when you acted like one, or do you have to be one? Did genetics matter when you felt human emotions but weren't human? To something like me, it wasn't that simple. I am what I am, and what I am is far from the human I was long ago. Yet, those feelings I once had never ceased. I could suppress them and feel them when I wanted to, sure. But I would catch myself feeling them when I didn't want to. Now would be a good example. I had this human girl in my arms and it felt . . . different. I would look at her and feel nothing, but when I held her, it changed everything. Perhaps it was a residual feeling of what I once had back in Greece when I was a boy. It disgusted me, but made me feel nostalgia whether I wanted to or not.

I caught myself subconsciously smoothing her hair away from her face and stopped. What was I doing? It wasn't the fact that I cared for her; that possibility was long gone with my humanity. I did feel that she deserved protection from both humanity and the Veil. She was far too pure for any of the things she's seen, though I was the one at fault for having introduced those things. I wasn't proud for involving her, but I did what had to be done. For my own sake, yes, and I wasn't going to deny it. She would curse me in the Void when all of this was over, but I wouldn't be there to hear it. She will never forgive me if she knew what I really needed, and I could never apologize. It would be insincere.

She groaned in her sleep and stretched, her face eventually resting on my throat. I huffed a laugh. She really was reckless. How could she sleep on the chest of a demon of lust without worry? I suppose a bit of influence helped with that, which she'll probably figure out when she wakes up. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to hold her for as long as I could, though if she knew I was basically absorbing a certain kind of her energy, she would certainly try to kill me. I had to go back to the Void by noon tomorrow, or I'd end up killing the boy, so I was going to get my fill. I could forget about the Void if I ended up killing him; I'd go straight to Hell. The deities and their strict rules.

I carefully pulled myself up into a sitting position, bringing her along with me. She easily laid on my chest with her arms around me, completely undisturbed. Dare I say it was . . . cute? Like a small bear.

"I know you're there, Ristajh," I announced, moving a piece of hair behind her ear with a claw. "What brings you here so early in the morning?"

He stepped through the front door and nearly slammed it closed until I gave him a warning glare. He stopped when he noticed Elliot and slowly closed the door behind him. I could tell he wanted to ask, but he knew it was none of his business.

"About last night," he began, meeting my gaze. "I apologize for stepping out of line. It won't happen again."

I paid him no attention, all of it being given to the sleeping girl in my arms. "What is this really about, Rhys? Your wings?"

"No." He paused. "It's about Cam."

I sighed, letting my head rest against the back of the couch. "I told you a solution to the problem. What more do you need?"

"I don't want you near her."

"Oh?" I laughed, meeting his eyes, then. "Do I hear an underlying threat, Shade?"

"You must've misheard, sir." His gaze held strong, unwavering. "I only meant that you have no reason to . . . mind her. It's a waste of your time."

I hummed as I ran my claws through Elliot's soft hair, watching it flutter to her shoulders. "I'll take your word for it. Be sure to tell her it would be in her best interest not to stand in my way again."

"I'll relay the message."

"Good, glad that's done with. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss while you're here?"

He watched Elliot for a moment. "What are your plans for her?"

"Why is that any of your concern?"

He adjusted the collar of his shirt as he looked away and said, "It's not so much mine as it is Camellia's. She will ask me in time."

"And when that time comes, you will tell her everything you know."

He looked confused. "But I know nothing."

"Indeed." I dismissively waved a hand at him. "If that's all, you can leave. I'd like to rest a bit more before I have to go back."

"You have until noon, yes? Then I will see you when next we meet."

"Until then, my friend. I'll send my orders through the girl or through Teague."

He nodded and left, softly closing the door behind him. I sighed and closed my eyes. Of course, I couldn't actually sleep, but I could enjoy some relaxation. Seeing as how I couldn't tell Elliot of most of my plans, I'd have to send most of my messages through Teague. It's always good to have a demon on hand that happens to specialize in traversing through worlds. In fact, he may even be better suited for the job I plan to execute. Ristajh has gone soft; he's been among humans for far too long, and I fear he may have some sort of regard for Elliot. He would need to be kept out of this particular task of mine.

After an hour of organizing my thoughts, I decided this couch was no longer suitable. I gathered our blanket and took us back to the bedroom, easily placing her on the bed with no protest from her. After I got us settled, I pulled her back to me, the alluring scent of her tempting me all over again. Her back resting firmly against my chest was so much more satisfying than the couch. I wrapped an arm around her without a thought, pulling her close and putting my face in her neck. I could already imagine her embarrassment if she knew; the heat rising to her cheeks like always. She was too easy to stir up, and it made her that much angrier with herself but so desirable I wanted no one else. If she would just let go and accept my touch, we would both have an easier and certainly more enjoyable time. Instead, she insists on making everything an obstacle. It would be hours before I'd have to deal with that, so I'll take what I can get, for now.