Chapter 29 - Relapse

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I awoke to my heart racing and head spinning. The immediate inability to take a breath flooded my senses.

"кто ты?" he bellowed. [who are you?]

I strained to see who spoke when I locked eyes with Bucky. But the emotion in his eyes was gone. The shimmering blue eyes now a clouded and icy stare. The panic reignited as his bionic hand squeezed tighter around my throat, threatening to pop my eyes out of their sockets.

"B-Bucky—"

He cocked his head abruptly. "почему ты в этом убежище гидры?!" [why are you in this Hydra safehouse?!]

My hands grappled as his fist tightened. My fingers tore at his hold.

"James! Ja-ames?" I gasped. My vision narrowed as the light began to fade. All turned black as I lost consciousness.


...


My eyes peeled open as my muddled hearing became clearer

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My eyes peeled open as my muddled hearing became clearer. The coughing started almost immediately, sputtering to regain my breath.

"I thought I killed you."

I jumped up and slid against the wall. My wide eyes found a cowering Bucky against the wall opposite me. My hand traced the shadow of his chokehold, shivering in remembrance of his empty eyes.

"What happened?" I whispered.

"I..." his eyes turned downcast. "I relapsed."

I rested my head against the wall. I sputtered. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"I think... whatever dream I was in—it was bad enough to trigger something. Trigger the Winter Soldier."

"We've been together for weeks—is this the first time it's happened?"

"From a dream, yes. But at all? No."

"You didn't try to kill me before, then."

"It only happened one other time—at Rosslyn. Watching those guys attack you... started the Soldier. But, once I'd completed my 'mission', I reverted to normal. When I was attacking them—when the Winter Soldier was..."

He rested his head against the wall, tightly closing his eyes. I watched as the muscles in his neck contracted. His jaw strained as he tried to breathe. As soon as the tension started, it dissipated as he turned to face me again.

"As soon as I thought I'd killed you, everything came flooding back. I-I thought I lost you. But I felt your pulse, so I waited. I thought I should leave but—"

"But you promised."

"But I promised," he smiled sadly.

"Though, that was before your punk ass tried to kill me," I pouted.

"That thought crossed my mind, too."

"But you still promised you wouldn't leave me."

"And so, I won't, but—"

"But we gotta make sure you won't kill me?" I smirked.

"Yeah, that." He stopped and closed his eyes. "I could teach you some Russian—give you some words... to stop me?"

I craned my head sideways, pursing my lips. "Bucky, if you're trying to move away from Hydra and the Winter Soldier, wouldn't using Russian against you be heading in the wrong direction?"

"Maybe, but it's only twice, and being with you—" he stopped himself.

My lips curved into a grin. "Being with me, what?" I pried.

He sighed. "Being with you has felt... safe. Safer than I've been in a long time. It's limited the Winter Soldier. But... teaching you Russian would be for your safety—however little it might be used. It's not great, but it's worth a try to keep you safe."

I leaned forward, resting my head in my hands. I peered into his distraught eyes.

"Okay. Let's do it."

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