Empty

●Chapter Twenty-Three●

Kill yourself. 

"Listen, I know what you're feeling. It doesn't last forever. I promise." He said. I heard the door open again. 

"What's going on, Kuroo told me I should come out here too." Daichi, fuck. 

"Go away." I cried. 

"Nothing good. He keeps trying to hit his head off the wall." Kenma said, putting his hand behind my head again as I attempted to do it three more times. 

Just die. 

"Suga, look at me." Daichi dropped to my side. 

"Fuck off." I cried more. 

"You need to stop, you're gonna hurt yourself." 

"That's the fucking point!" I did it again. 

"What's happening?" Coach and Kuroo were back. Kenma got up and Daichi took over trying to stop me. I didn't care. I wasn't going to let them stop me. 

"Clear out. Let me talk to him alone." Coach said after Kenma filled him in. The three of them headed inside the gym. 

"Go away." 

"Listen, you either stop this now or I'll have no choice but to call an ambulance and admit you to the hospital." I could hear the scared and worried tone in his voice. I wasn't all too fond of that idea, so I stopped. I held my knees to my chest, hid my face and fucking bawled. 

"I can't do it anymore." I choked out between sobs. 

"Yes you can. If anyone can do it, it's you. You have so much ahead of you, kid. The determination I see in you, the persistence. You got this. Keep fighting."

"I feel like I can't breathe." I changed the subject completely. I could feel my heart pounding faster and faster, my breathing getting faster and faster. 

"Straighten up, don't curl in on yourself, hands above your head. Open your lungs. Or lay flat on the grass, that'll help too." He said. I felt like I couldn't move, my body and face were starting to go numb. I was hyperventilating again. I held my hands up and tried to straighten myself, but it felt like it wasn't helping. 

"It's not working." I started to panic more. 

"Match my breathing, slow down." Coach said. It felt like it took hours for me to be able to match it, but I eventually did and calmed down to the point where I was able to breathe. 

"Why does life have to suck so much?" I cried.

"I don't know. I wish I had an actual answer for you."

"I hate this."

"Me too. Why don't you guys head back to the dorm? You're probably exhausted." 

"I am. I'm absolutely exhausted. Mentally and physically." 

"Head to the dorm, shower, and get some sleep." He stood and extended a hand to me to help me off the ground. We both walked inside where the other three were standing. Daichi came up and hugged me and held me for a minute. 

"Can you guys stay with him tonight?" Coach asked. I assume he was talking to Kuroo and Kenma. I didn't hear an answer, so I assume they just nodded. 

After a few minutes of just being slumped into Daichi's chest, he led me back to our room where Asahi already was. 

"Is he okay?" I heard him ask. God. I hate this. 

"Yeah, he'll be fine. We're gonna chill here tonight though." Kuroo replied.

"Cool, sounds good to me." Asahi shrugged. I could hear the confusion and worry in his voice. 

"I'm gonna get a shower." I said quietly. 

"I'll come with you." Daichi said, grabbing his things too. 

"We'll meet you in here then, We're gonna grab bed clothes and shower as well." I just nodded and headed into the bathroom across the hall. 

For the first probably fifteen minutes I just stood there, letting the scalding hot water hit me. In one way, it was probably self harm because of how hot it was. In another though, it was helping relax all the muscles I had tensed up. I couldn't tell if I liked it because it hurt or because my muscles finally relaxed. 

"I'm sorry...I...I got frustrated and I just spiraled." 

"Don't apologize, I know how it is. I've been there. I love you, Suga."

"I love you too. Let me apologize though. I've caused you all a lot of trouble at this camp."

"Fine, apology accepted." He said. I knew he was only saying that so I'd shut up about it. 

After showering and all that shit, we headed back to the room to see Kenma and Kuroo talking with Asahi. 

"Wanna watch something on Netflix or Disney?" Kuroo asked. 

"Can we watch Pokémon?" I asked. Kuroo opened Netflix and typed in Pokémon just to find eight different Pokémon listings.

"Which one?" He asked

"Indigo League." I said. It's the very beginning of all of the Pokémon TV series, and my favorite one by far. I curled up under my blanket and cuddled up to Daichi. Within maybe fifteen minutes I was out like a light.

Word Count; 1427