Four Beers and a Coke✔

XXII Gone, forever

Chapter XXII Gone, forever

Apu, or should I say Pari, the name I called you when you were three and was afraid to go in the room because it was dark. I told you that you were my angel of light and angels were never scared of the dark, and then you smiled. I swear that smile still lits my life. I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶c̶o̶f̶f̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶r̶o̶l̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶l̶e̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶P̶a̶r̶i̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶a̶l̶w̶a̶y̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶f̶i̶r̶s̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶.̶ ̶

Shit, I shouldn’t have scratched that. It was the truth after all, so go back and read it. I know you haven’t so I will ask you to read it again.

Smile and tears were a lethal combination because no one knew whether one was laughing amidst their tears or crying amidst their laughter. Such was my case now, it was funny because my sister knew me well since I did not read the statement she cancelled and it was emotional because after all these years my sister still knew me.

I know I am being so silly and such a pain in the ass for you. There is no need for me to come barging in your life again and definitely no need for you to be there for me when I couldn’t be for you all these years. Hence it is only fair for me to be a coward and not face you. That is what I was my entire life, a fucking coward.

Those days back then when we were so inseparable, you know how we would race to the kitchen to eat new delicacies mother made or how we sat together and read stories or when you sat on my shoulder and you picked raw mangoes from the tree? Those days were so much fun. Hey, you remember how you would show me your artistic side and paint me those stick figures?

I nodded in anticipation while I continued reading.

I have one of them with me right now. Don’t know why I packed that picture with me but thankfully I did, because I can see your happy face whenever I want. Helped me a lot during difficult times, but now, I don’t anything can.

Let me get straight to the point now, Purvi, your sister who truly loved you never really stood by you. I swear I wanted to, but studies and activities and classes took my time and energy and I couldn’t really see what you went through. Unforgivable excuse, I know.

Three mistakes have brought me to a place far from home, far from you. These three I rank in priority, ignoring you back when you were innocent, running from our family, and last, marrying Shubham. Maybe they had a snowball effect or something, I don’t know but I never should have done anything of the above. Right now, as I am writing this I can only think of you, your angry stubborn will to know everything, aai and baba's hopeful gaze across the door to find me there and my baby’s big beautiful eyes when he signs for me.

You do know that he has a smile which matches yours right?

Sorry, I didn’t even tell you about this he.

She didn’t have to, it was evident she was speaking about Tittu. The kid who was back in some orphanage crying his eyes out yet won’t speak against it. The kid who was mine.

My Tittu.

I have a very beautiful kid, age four and eight months, who is the only thing good from the marriage I scammed myself into. As I ran away from home to marry Shubham, the man who I thought was in love with me, who I was in love with, I thought what I was doing was right. Everything was fair in love and war and everything was okay for my love for him.