August 24th- Book One in the May 3rd series

Chapter 59-- BREAK FOR WORK

"Don't make me hate the car, too. Oh my gosh. Stop." He laughs.

I play with a thread coming off his sweater. "What now?"

"I don't know."

"We should get you a new sweater." I say, pulling the thread off of it.

"No. You should just stop messing with it. They're all fine."

I hold the thread out. "This one is shedding."

"Stop... You're going to ruin it."

I sit it back where I pulled it from. "There. Good as new." I say, patting his arm where I took it from.

I can't think about yesterday.

I have to get over this, and fast.

We don't have time for me trying to kill myself every night...

"Jeez. Thanks."

"Of course."

"Alright. Next time, just don't do it in the first place."

"Can we...keep this a secret...not the sweater, but what I was going to do?"

The less people that know I was going to kill myself, the less people that will know to worry if i try again...

"No. I don't think so."

"Why not?" I ask pulling away a bit to look up at his face.

"You need to tell Pierre. Someone does. He has to know, because he cares almost as much as I do."

"I can't tell him. He'll freak out. You guys shouldn't worry about me. You shouldn't even know."

"If I wasn't worried about you, we would both be dead. Sometimes, it's better that people know."

"I don't want him to look at me like that."

Josiah's been doing it all day...

Looking worried.

"Like what? Like you need help?"

"Like you're scared."

I don't want him to be scared.

I want him to realize this is right.

This is what has to happen.

I want him to be happy.

"Scared for you? We have always been that way. I don't know what look you're talking about, but I would assume you've been getting it for a long time."

"Well, I haven't seen it until now."

Or maybe I'm just sober enough to pay attention.

"Are we sure you're not the blind one?"

"I guess I just see what I want to see sometimes."

"Yeah. I think everyone is that way, though."

I rest my head on him and sigh. "Please don't make me tell him."

"I'll tell him."

"...I don't want you to."

"Why not?"

"I just told you why. I don't see what the big deal is."

"Your reason for why is because you don't want him to worry about you...? Even though he already does."

"I don't want him to worry more. He and you worry way too much. Really, I'll be fine."

The thoughts aren't so loud today, more like a dull ache in the back of my head.