August 24th- Book One in the May 3rd series

Chapter 56--"yeah I'm here. I live here now" - February 5th, 2020

"Don't start that bullshit again. I'm not going to do anything about it. I shouldn't have to be responsible for you all the damn time!"

"Well. You have to make a choice then. Are you going to stop being responsible for me? Are you that pissed about whatever the fuck I did to make you be an ass?"

"I don't fucking know! Quit making me make all the decisions all the time!"

"It's your job, not mine. I belong to you, dumb-ass. You choose. Always."

"It's my choice, until it's not, right? Until I do something that you have to complain about. And then I change it, and you complain about how I change it! I can't keep getting rid of parts of myself just to make you happy!" He raises his voice, yelling by the end of his final sentence.

I choke back tears and glare back at him.

All this time spent trying to piss him off, and as soon as I stop, he starts it back up.

And the cause of this fight is how much I love him.

One thing that can't ever change.

"I'm trying to keep us safe, though. I just complain about things you do that are dangerous, and if that's a part of you, then..." I cut myself off, not quite sure where I was going with that.

I guess I'm trying to change him.

"You knew who I was before we even met! You couldn't have been stupid enough to think I was going to change, did you?! I'm the school's worst nightmare! Everyone is afraid of me! You really were so naive as to think you could just show up and change who I was?!"

He approaches me, so I stand. I dig my fingernails into my palms to give myself something to focus on.

I don't want this.

"That's not it! I just think you should stop doing things that will get you killed!"

"That's what I want!" He yells.

No...

I could never lose him. He is all I have, and he is all I need. If I lost him...

I don't even want to imagine that.

I can't stop imagining it.

Ever since the first time he said it, I...

Even when it was just a joke...

Has it ever been just a joke?

"Damien, don't s-say that... You don't mean it. That's really bad."

"You're doing it again," He says, and I watch his fingers curl into fists, "Trying to fucking tell me what I can and can't do! What I do and don't think! You have no idea what I'm thinking, you've never asked, because you're always so self.. worried about yourself! I'm sick of it!"

My chest tightens up.

He really went there. Even after what we talked about.

I need to diffuse this.

Before he does anything that he'll regret...

Even if he shouldn't regret anything...

How can I diffuse this?!

"Damien, I tried to talk to you last night. You won't even talk to me. I'm sorry for being so absorbed in myself, but... I-I'm sorry," I try to reason with him, anything to get him to calm down.

It's how I am.

I guess we both knew each other when we got ourselves into this.

He knew he was getting involved with a little selfish freak, and I knew I was getting involved with a goddamn bully.

I reach out to try to pull him closer, but before I can even touch him, he snatches my wrist in the air.

"Damien..." I gasp.

I feel tears finally come to my eyes. I can't stop myself from shaking.

No.

Come on. This isn't happening.

"Don't fucking touch me. I don't want anyone anywhere near me right now. Especially not you." His tone is so dark, it hurts my heart...

"Let go of me. Please. Just... P-Please, I need a hug..." Despite how he has already told me to stop, I take a step closer.

He immediately uses his free hand to grab my shoulder and push me up against the wall.

This is the furthest he's ever went with anything.

I don't know.

This might be worse than the bed thing a couple days ago...

I swear that my heart stops beating entirely. I just stare wide-eyed at him for a moment, in shock. Then I take in the situation and squeeze my eyes shut, hands coming up defensively between us.

I'm going to get hit.

I know it.

I should have just shut up and listened to him.

I... I should always just listen to him. Stop being so defiant all the time. He straight-up told me that I just need to do as told...

Just like my father.

Why am I like this?

A moment passes, so I hesitantly open my eyes. He still is holding my wrist and my shoulder, making sure that I can't get away from him.

I stay silent, assuming that's what he wants. I just need to shut up and do as told...

"Just go upstairs and go to bed. Leave me alone."

I suck in a deep breath, trying to keep myself silent.

"I'm sorry." It slips out anyway.

I burst into tears again, breaking down in front of him, weakly trying to pull away from his grasp.

He pushes me back again to stop me. I struggle to keep my head from slamming into the wall.

Then he lets go.

I press my back to the wall so I can't go any further, not wanting to let him do that again.

It hurt...

I'm shaking so much, I don't think I can move...

"Josiah... Fuck. I-..."

He sounds sympathetic now, but my brain doesn't process it.

I stay still, bracing for pain, but nothing happens.

I press my hands against my head and look up at him in terror. I remember how many times my father has thrown me into walls, and bullies pinning me and hitting me until I'm barely conscious enough to walk...

He's like them.

I'll always only care about people who hurt me.

Because that's what everyone does.

"Ow..." I wince.

"I'm so sorry!" He reaches for me, and I flinch away from his hand.

He pauses.

I don't know what comes over me, but I manage to make myself bolt away from him. I go out the garage door, not wanting to face him any longer.

I wanna go home...

I don't know why I ever thought I could get away.

I was born to be abused, I can't escape it...

End