𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝑶𝒇 𝑷𝒐𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝑳𝒖𝒔𝒕

5

My head was fucking pounding from last night and it made me not want to even get out of bed. I barely remembered anything last night except for the group of guys at the bar and something faint about Ax hitting on me. Fucking Ax. That dickhead. As I thought harder and tried my best to remember, I remembered him holding my hand and trying to drive me home. Fuck I hope I said no. I tossed and turned in my bed for a few seconds before my phone began ringing.

"Why the hell is Ax calling me?" I muttered under my breath.

I declined his call once, then twice, then three times and then what felt like a million times. Every time he was around me I was nervous, jumpy, and on edge. I felt like I needed to impress him but I also felt safe and relaxed. Dozens of texts came through from him, all of which I ignored. Some were simple, "Hi"'s and others were "Are you ok?" But why one day was he telling me he hates me and the next acting as though he cares? My head began hurting but I suddenly caught the realisation of which, attempting to put the wrong pieces together won't ever cause the right ending to add up, so I didn't bother. I spent the next few days at home, not leaving my house and remained ignoring his constant texts. Part of me took a liking to Ax, and that part of me was the part I hated. More so, because it wasn't just a liking, it was stronger and contained more meaning.

I felt as though I was shutting everyone out, unintentionally, because of it. And I hated that too.

I rummaged through my handbag and threw out last weeks lunch. "Eugh." I groaned, disgusted at the week old banana bread. Fuck something really had gotten into me. Why was Ax constantly all I could think about? Why wasn't he leaving my fucking head? I tossed myself into bed and wrapped and covered myself in my navy blue blanket which never failed to keep me warm. I lay, tossing and turning for at least 10 minutes because my mind wouldn't shut off. The whole idea of him laying beside me, holding me, it filled my mind and I wanted nothing more than it to stop.

My hand crawled towards my baggy grey sweatpants, and slowly was slipped inside them. Softly, touching myself letting small moans escape my mouth while my head was filled with the idea of Ax next to me. My fingers circled my clit slowly and I let two fingers fall inside my wet entrance while my mind was fixated on Ax. My breathing gradually grew heavier as I felt myself in a trance. A trance of lust. That was what I felt for him and I was done denying it.

I continued touching myself to the pure thought of him, throwing my head back with every noise I made, my mind becoming overwhelmed with him. I felt obsessed, lust, desire. I wanted him, badly. The pleasure I felt was unbearable and so I released myself on my fingers exhaling heavily and eventually I fell asleep.

I rubbed my eyes and switched my phone on reading "4.03AM."

I sighed and rolled out of bed slipping on my ugg boots and a coat and threw my hair up in a messy bun. I turned the handle of my bedroom door and walked downstairs to my front door in complete darkness.

"Violet what the fuck?" A scared and angry Ax allowed himself inside my house. He was wearing a suit and his hair was messy and his tattoos were still visible.

"Ax what're you doing here?" I exclaimed, shocked as Ax saw me looking like shit.

"You have been ignoring all my calls and texts."

"You said you hated me."

"I do but ignoring me? That's how you want to fix this?" He yelled whilst he kicked the staircase in anger.

"Fix what? What're you trying so desperately to fix? A relationship that'll never happen? You sound fucking crazy Ax."

He wrapped his hand around my throat causing me to gasp.

𝐀𝐱

She had no idea how much her words were frustrating me at this point. She was clueless of the fact that I desired her.

"Believe me Violet, I hate you. But is it so bad that I tried to make sure you were okay?" I pushed her away from me and began to walk to the front door. The anger I was holding in was crazy. She grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me to face her.

"Why do you care if I'm okay?"

Because I'm literally lusting for her.

"You know what? Forget it." I removed her hand from my shirt and slammed the door shut behind me, revving the engine of my car and driving off.

𝐕𝐢

I barely understood the meaning of that. I didn't get why he cared. I hated that he was  so unbelievably confusing. 

I buried my head deep into the palms of my hands and exhaled with a loud sigh. I made my way back up to my room and crawled back into my bed falling asleep almost instantly but Ax wouldn't leave my mind.

𝐀𝐱

"What'd she even do to get you to hate her so much man?" Levi nudged me. He was sat next to me beer in hand and it was roughly 3am.

"She ruined the job. Do you know how much my job means to me?" I tested.

"You work with the fucking mafia you could get killed why are you so mad at her over one thing?"

"Why are you defending her Levi? Think she's all hot shit?" 

"Man I don't even know what the hell she looks like, is she hot?"

"She's beautiful but I fucking hate her." I sipped my beer again and fixed the sleeves on my black leather jacket.

"Tell me what exactly she did Alex" He pressed on.

"I had a job to complete, I had to take out the owner of a club, she got in my way and stopped me, first on accident but then she continued. I could've made millions if I took him out and she wasn't there to fuck it up. Anyways there are files saying she had a history with drugs and she's sensitive and whatnot, I have everything against her."

"God you make her sound like an absolute cunt." Levi laughed.

"She is. That's why I hate myself for lusting after her."

"You want to fuck her?" He continued laughing.

"I want to kill her." 

I left the bar and my head was still processing all that I told Levi. I didn't mean to spill everything like that but knowing me of course I did.