He smiles widely.
"So, how about you lying down so that this is easier for me but above all easier for you, mh?" he smiles sweetly.
I nod slightly.
But before I could be completely stretched out on the sofa I say
"Promise me you won't hold me down"
"Honey, I could never do such a bad thing to you or anyone else. Did you think I could do it?" he asks a little disappointed.
"You can, and you could do it. Don't do it, please," I say on the verge of tears.
"No no hey honey" he whispers wiping my tears with his thumb "I won't do anything you don't want. I won't hold you down and I won't force you to do things you don't want to do. I'm not here to hurt you" he says softly but in serious tone.
I look him in the eye for any sign of a lie.
But it seems so sincere.
So I nod. Slightly, but I nod.
Then I lie down.
"So that's how it's going to go. I'll ask you to close your eyes and hold the pillow, okay? I won't start until you're ready. If you need..."
"COUNT" I say crying, frightened by the unknown.
"Don't worry, I'll count. You have nothing to worry about, ok honey?
If you wanna scream you can do it, if you need a break we can, but don't move okay sweetie? "
I stare at him trembling.
"So I'll hold your head a bit so you don't move it much" he warns as he does so.
I panic.
"You said you wouldn't hold me!!" I kinda scream as my crying gets worse.
"Honey I'm not holding you dowm, if you want it to stop I'll stop, I'm just doing it to keep you from getting hurt more by moving your head while I'm giving you the injection" he explains softly "I would never hold you down like you have no voice in this chapter. You have to believe me Charlie, I would never do anything to harm you" he says.
"B-but" hiccup "you can tell t-that all t-this is f-for my g-good and so h-hurt m-me in the p process" I cry.
I was saying all the things I was thinking about.
"Love I could never do that" he says as he grabs my hand "I told you, I'm here for you. I know I'm the reason for your tears right now, and it hurts me so much, but the fact that you're in pain hurts me even more.
I can't take your fears away, but I can take your pain away.
Please give me a chance" he says.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as my sobs got louder.
My breathing was short and I couldn't really focus on anything.
"Breathe love, everything will be fine, close your eyes and take a deep breath, I'm not doing anything yet, relax"
I did not want to.
"Come on Charlie close your eyes"
"D-d-d" I look at him crying "Don't do it while my eyes are c-close a-and I'm not aware of it p-please" I say shaking.
"I won't. Hey, I never would. We don't have to worry about anything look" he put his hands in mine "hold my hands. If you have them, that means I can't do anything right?" he compromises.
This was a good deal.
"T-t-thanks" I whisper.
"You don't have to thank me, anything for you love" he smiles slightly.
I hold his hands in mine as I close my eyes.
I take a deep breath, the shaking has subsided a little and my chest no longer hurts like before.
The tears were still there, but all in all it was a little better.
