N (WAYHAUGHT)

Chapter 30 - Circus Departure

Waverly was in the kitchen when Nicole returned. Not normally one for allowing house guests into her domain, the housekeeper had been gracious enough to let Waverly help in the preparation of a cake, little knowing she possessed no practical knowledge of how such things came to be. All the cooking and baking was done by Wynonna after their parents moved to Italy, she not trusting Waverly, given her tendency to add extra ingredients to spice things up. She had made biscuits with mama once, everyone eating them wondering what on earth she had added to the mixture. Willa guessed eventually. Pepper.

Nicole remained sullen. Her rejected offer for Daisy to come home with her adding to her dark mood. She hoped the money she had left would be sufficient. She would talk to aunt, perhaps find a way to make regular payments, enough to make her life comfortable. She was at a loss what to do with Daisy. She was equally at a loss what to do with her own life, returning to the bedroom, sitting on the side of the bed, gazing out the window at the vast, manicured grounds. She felt useless, utterly useless. What need had this house of a peg puller, she wondered. There were staff to do all the jobs she was capable of and more staff to do those she could not. She would go mad if this was to be her life.

Her life. Sent to the laundry room at the age of five, barely able to see over the large tubs where mountains of clothes were washed. The orphanage made money by taking in washing from the town, relying on its enslaved workforce to carry out the tasks adults would find strenuous. Up at 5am each day, a meagre breakfast consisting of cold tea and broth, if they were lucky, stale bread if they were not, they would spend the best part of the day hanging over steaming vats of water, removing the stains from other people's clothing and sheets. She and Daisy had fantasised about running away. They had it all planned, hiding in one of the laundry baskets, jumping out when they reached the edge of town.

They dreamed of building a small house somewhere, away from everyone. Just the two of them, growing vegetables, making bread, not ever doing any washing. A childish fantasy, born out of misery and hope. They hoped for a better life, one that let in the light, not one stuck in the basement of a dismal institution where they hardly ever saw the sun.

If she had known where she would eventually end up, perhaps the life she had had to endure would have been less painful. But, she had been only a child. That was her whole life. All she wanted was to be loved, to be taken care of, for someone to read her a bedtime story in the comfort of a warm, cosy room.

She needed to go somewhere, anywhere, away from Howton. Heading to the stables, Waverly spied her from the kitchen window, wiping flour from her hands, running to find out how her meeting with Daisy had gone. "N, wait. Did you see Daisy?"

Nicole carried on walking, her mind elsewhere, her hearing limited if she was not focusing on the person speaking to her. "N, is Daisy coming here?"

She entered the stables, calling to the head groom to get Caspian ready. Waverly entered, out of breath, now realising carrying a child was harder work than she envisaged. Nicole was pacing back and forth, clearly agitated. "N, I was calling to you. What's happening?"

"I be going out."

"Not without me. Not again. Don't leave me here while you go gallivanting."

Nicole looked confused. "I be riding. That's all."

"Tell me. You've never ridden without me. This isn't like you. You've been in a mood since the carriage ride. I might as well go back to the circus at this rate. I'd be more welcome there."

Nicole realised she was shutting Waverly out. "Daisy ain't coming. I be riding to the circus to clear me head. I needs to work. I be asking to do something, anything. I can't stay here. Not like this."