N (WAYHAUGHT)

Chapter 21 - Two Aunts

Aunty thought it best not to tell too many circus folk. At least, not until they established what exactly N had inherited. It was one thing having a long list in their hands, quite another to see for themselves what that list looked like in reality. Many a slip between the cup and the lip, aunty cautioned N, knowing her sudden good fortune could just as easily evaporate before their eyes.

She made Nicole sit at her table, taking her hands. "Don't you go spending your money like water. There be poor folk who won't take kindly to fancy ways."

"Ain't be having no money, aunty," Nicole replied. "I be in debt mostly."

"N, my lovely, you be having a lot of money. But, it will cost you. I be a seeing folk who be wealthy. Ain't like us."

"I be the same. I be N. Stables, or no stables."

"I knows you'll always be my N. And, I'll always be aunty. Just remember your heart in all this. You have a good heart and that's all that matters, money or no."

"Aunty, we be having tea parties now. We be bringing your cups to the house. Like a proper family."

Aunty looked away. "I be staying here N. Can't be doing with all the fancy at my age. And, who will feed Dolls if I ain't here?"

"You has to come. Ain't going without you. Ain't leaving you behind. I'll die without you."

"N, my child, you can't hold onto me apron forever. You needs to make your own way now, with Waverly and the baby. I be settled here. Tis for the best."

There were tears in Nicole's eyes. She wiped them with her sleeve, unable to stop her heart breaking. "This be a curse, not a blessing. I be fearing this. Can't do this on me own. Can't. I needs you, aunty. You were the one who kept me alive. Wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

Aunty brushed Nicole's hair back from her face. "I be still here. Tells you this. I be staying for a little when the baby comes. Ain't missing that for all the tea in China. Now, don't you go a fretting about me."

Nicole was broken. The despair she felt the night she fled the orphanage surging to the surface once more. For all the good that was coming into her life, this was the worst thing that could happen. The thought of losing the one person she cared most about in the world too much. She leant her head on her arms, sobbing, unable to stop the grief.

Waverly entered hearing the state Nicole was in, rushing to comfort her. She had never seen her like this. Not her N. "What's wrong? What's upset you like this?"

"It be me," aunty explained. "I be telling her I stays with the circus. She don't want old bones rattling around that house of hers."

"Aunty, this is a big change for everyone. N needs you now more than ever. Look at her. She won't survive this without her family."

Aunty sat quietly looking at her N breaking her heart. "Alright. I be going for N's sake. But, I ain't being no toff mind. Too old to change me ways. And, me wagon stays with me."

Nicole looked up, her face wet and flushed. "I be nothing without you."

Aunty pulled the rum bottle from the shelf, grabbing a mug. She was pleased for N, knowing she deserved everything good that was coming her way. But, like N, she was scared. Scared of change, scared that the world she had come to know would move on without her, leaving her in some god-forsaken place where she didn't fit in. The circus life was a hard life, relentless. She knew what N was offering her was a way out of all the drudgery. She had long dreamt of retiring to her own little place, content with her lot. Yet, when it came to the possibility of realising that dream, she was unable to let go of the life that had seeped into her aging bones, much like the rum she consumed.