September: Beneath The Hoodie She Wears

PROLOGUE

Again, this book, despite belonging to a collaboration series, can be read as a stand alone. Enjoy reading!

***

I grew up hearing two very different things about me.

"Ang ganda mo talaga Odette."

And...

"Bakit ka ba ganyan, Cloudette? Ang pangit mo."

I was optimistic when I grew up too.

"They're just saying that because they're insecure."

But then it hit me... What are they so insecure about? May something ba sa akin na dapat maging insecure sila? Why did they say that in the first place anyway?

The why's were never answered as I grow up. Because the spotlight wasn't on me anymore.

The home that was my safe place became someone else's. I may have not lost a house, but I guess I lost a home.

"Odette! Ano ba, you're spacing out," I was snapped back to reality and came face to face with Montreal's pissed face.

Montreal Luwis Cereza, the child of my uncle's mistress but not my uncle's.

Tinignan kong muli yung medyo chubby na batang kumakain ng ice cream sa may fountain. Napatingin siya sa gawi ko kaya naman naglihis na ako ng tingin.

I'm not a fan of eye contact.

"Ano nga ulit yung sinasabi mo?" Baling ko kay Montreal pero tinitigan niya lang ako.

Sumandal ako sa upuan na inuupuan ko bago inabot yung iced choco drink na inorder ko bago uminom doon. I looked at the plaza, observing people.

I was never a fan of observing people... I wonder when it started?

"Cloudette." Napalingon ako kay Montreal ng tawagin niya ako sa pangalan ko imbes na sa palayaw ko.

"Huh? What did I do? Did I do something? Wala naman akong ginawa ah?" I immediately became defensive.

He doesn't like calling me Cloudette so when he does, he's mad... Pero wala naman akong ginawa? ... I think.

"Did you really not?" He asked using his serious and cold voice.

My eyes widened.

"Are you still worried about that?! Okay lang ako Mon! And I promised that I'll tell you if I needed someone remember? I keep promises Mon!" Giit ko pero hindi nawala ang mapanuring tingin niya sa akin kaya naman napabuntonghininga ako.

I got so worked up kaya tumayo pa ako kaya umupo na ako muli at uminom ng iced choco ko. Chocolates calm me.

"Why are you wearing a hoodie? Ang init init," sambit niya kaya naman nagbaba ako ng tingin sa beige kong plain hoodie.

Napalunok ako bago naglihis ng tingin.

"Malamig sa room," na sabi ko na lang.

Don't get me wrong. Hindi ako nagsisinungaling, malamig naman talaga sa room namin.

"Wala ka sa room ngayon," sambit niya kaya naman napakagat ako sa inner cheek ko.

It's not completely healed yet...

"Mas komportable akong naka hoodie, Mon. Ano din, nag karoon kasi kami ng activity pina fitted kaming top sa isang klase para sa isang performance, costume ganoon. Wala akong pamalit kaya nakahoodie ako," rason ko bago nilapat na muli sa labi ko ang straw para hindi ko na siya kailangan sagutin pa dahil umiinom ako.

Totoo din naman ang sinabi ko at alam niya yun, alam niyang ayaw ko ng mga fitted na damit. Medyo nag exaggerate nga lang ako sa "fitted"...

"Tell me when something is wrong," seryoso pa ding sambit niya kaya naman bumuntonhininga ako.

Nilapag ko na yung drink ko sa table at lumapit sa kaniya bago ngumiti at tinuro ang labi ko.

"I'm okay, see?" Sabi ko kaya naman napabuntonghininga siya bago ngumiti kaya naman bumalik na ako sa pagkakasandal ko.

"Alam mo, Mon. Tayo na lang kaya?" Wala sa sariling sabi ko at halos matawa ako ng marinig ko ang pagubo niya.

Pag tingin ko sa kaniya ay masama na ang tingin niya sa akin. Kaya naman nginitian ko na lang siya ng labas ang ngipin.

"I mean it won't be incest, kasi di naman tayo blood related or anything," sabi ko, hindi naman ako seryoso sa sinasabi ko but I don't know, yun ang na sa isip ko e.

Umiling naman siya.

"You're not the one for me, Odette and I'm sure I'm also not the one for you," sabi niya kaya naman napangiti ako bago pabirong umirap.

"Di mo na lang sabihin na hindi mo ako type," sambit ko.

"Hmm, I guess?" Biro niya dahil ngumisi pa ito ng maloko kaya naman napabuntonghininga na lang ako bago natawa.

I bit the insides of my cheek.

May kung ano akong nararamdaman na hindi ko ma-explain. I'm sure as hell na hindi ko gusto si Mon, pero may kung ano sa akin na sumakit? Kumirot?

And there was this small voice again...

Pangit ka kasi Cloudette...

"The one will come for you dette, baka na traffic lang," sambit niya kaya naman ngumiti na lang ako at nagkibit ng balikat.

"I just hope you won't push him away," dagdag niya kaya natahimik ako.

"You didn't have to say that, may kung ano pa naman sa mga sinasabi mo. Parang magic na nagkakatotoo minsan," sambit ko pagkatapos ng ilang segundo ng pananahimik.

Kinuha ko na ulit yung drink ko at sinipsip yung straw bago wala sa sariling marahang kinagat yun. My right eye twitched when I realized what I did. Bakit ka ba kabado Cloudette...

"This time I might be wrong. Prove me wrong this time, Cloudette." But I never could.

Kasi kilala ako ni Mon. He knows me so well and he expects me to change but I guess I'm not capable of doing that yet.

I still haven't outgrown my habit of...

Pushing others away...

Hell I even pushed him away...

And looking back now, he did deserve better. And too bad I couldn't be better.

He was my the one, but I couldn't be better to be his.

***

Cloudette Ajero

Aishi-san