A/N I bet you all thought it was finished, didn't you? Well it's not! Mwahahahaha
Wtf is wrong with me?
Anyway...I'm no where near done yet, so here's the next chapter!
LOUIS' POV
2 WEEKS LATER
"Come on Boo, it's time to get up sweetie" I felt my mum lightly shake my shoulder, awakening me from the only bit of sleep I've had for the past 2 weeks
"No, not yet. Give me 5 more minutes" I mumbled into the pillow, rolling away from her touch onto Rachel's side of the bed, still wishing to be met by her warm body, but left with the cold, crisp sheets that haven't had someone lie on for weeks.
"Not today, love. You know what today is, and you need to get up now" my mum rubbed my back sympathetically as I sighed heavily. Today was the day I'd been dreading. Rachel's funeral.
Despite everything, I refused to help with the funeral, or even go and let the hospital that it was in fact Rachel Smith's cold body lying on the table the other side of the window. I'd refused to see anyone except my mum and Harry, including Rachel's dad.
I know I should speak to him, I mean, he did just lose his only daughter, but he reminded me of her too much. It was unbearable to look at anything that resembled her.
All the photos I had of her were now lying face down on cabinets so I wouldn't have to look at her anymore. The more I looked at her, the more I wanted to be with her, the stronger the suicide thoughts became. But I couldn't kill myself. I couldn't do that to my family, or the boys, besides, Rachel would kill me fore doing it, even if it was to be with her.
The day after the paramedics took her away from me, I went out and bought the engagement ring I would have given her. It had blue saphires to represent me surrounding a perfect diamond to represent her. After that, I didn't do anything but lie in bed, thinking, playing with the ring.
"Yeah, I know what today is, and that's why I don't want to get up" I spat at her, annoyance rising in me when I didn't hear her leave the room
"Louis-"
"Didn't you hear me mum? I don't want to go!"
"None of us do, Boo. None of us want to say goodbye to her, but we have to! Do you know how difficult it is to see my son self-distruct because he lost what I believe was the best thing that happened to him? It's horrible Louis!"
"I didn't ask you to come down from Doncaster..."
"You're just like your dad sometimes, Louis. He was impossible to get through to as well" my mum sighed, clearly annoyed at my childish behaviour
"Don't forget to shut the door on your way out" my mum scoffed before getting off my bed and storming towards the door
"We leave in 45 minutes, with or without you Louis" then she slammed the door. I sighed with relief at the fact my mum had given me an ultimatum.
Rachel's funeral will be the most difficult thing to deal with in my entire life if I went. I knew Emily and my mum had planned on an open casket, so everyone could say their goodbyes before she was lowered into the grave where she would spend goodness knows how many eternities.
How on earth did they think I would be able to cope with that?! To see my fiance lying, dead, in front of me for the second time this month, pale as snow, her hair no longer smelling of apples, but of the hospital instead. I couldn't face that.
Not now. Not ever.
I heard a soft knock on the door, one like my mum used to do on my bedroom door back home after one of our arguments when she came to apologise.
"What now?!" I belowed, tossing the duvet aside and flinging the door open. Instead of seeing my mum, there stood Harry, dressed in a black suit and tie, the black bags under his eyes from where he had stayed up with me for the past 14 days and held me while I cried, covered up with concealer.
"We need to talk, Lou" he whispered sternly, clearing his throat at the end as he snivelled back the last of the sobs he must have had when he realised what the date was
"There's nothing to talk about, Haz" I slumped back into bed, pulling the duvet up to my chest, folding my arms like a stropping 5 year old
"Yes there is, Louis. Why aren't you dressed yet? We leave in 30 minutes!"
"I'm not going..."
"What do you mean you're not going?" Harry sighed, sitting down beside me, crossing his legs so he was facing me, much like Rachel and I did the day after we met...
"I can't do it, Harry. I can't go to the funeral, and admit that everything is fine. That I'm okay with seeing her in the casket, that I'm okay knowing that she has to spend the rest of eternity lying in the ground, cold and alone. I'm not ready to face reality that she is really gone. As long as I don't go to the funeral, she's still alive" I nodded, reassuring myself that what I said was true
"You know that's not true, Louis. Do you honestly think this is what Rachel wanted? You blocking everyone out? Whether you go to the funeral or not, she's still gone" he reached for my hand which I snatched away, cringing at his words. "What I'm trying to say, is that, coming to the funeral will help you, you know-"
"Move on? Forget about her? Yeah, you'd all like that wouldn't you! I'm the only reason why you all can't move on yet! Once I've stopped grieving and she's forgotten, everyone can get excited at the fact that Emily and Niall are gonna have a baby, that no doubt the rest of you will soon. I'm the only one holding you back!"
"Louis-"
"She's barely even cold yet, and you're already forgetting her! All of you!" Tears prickeled in my eyes as I spat the words at Harry, hoping that they stung. "It's like she meant NOTHING!" I reached behind me, pulling a white pillow out and throwing it at Harry, hitting him square in the face
"Would you listen to yourself Louis?! You're telling me, that Emily, Rachel's best friend from when they were kids has forgotten her?! She was a massive part of our lives too, Louis! Just because we weren't shacking up with her like you, doesn't mean she didn't mean anything to the rest of us!" My head snapped round at Harry, I felt as though my eyes were red, steam piling out of my ears at how angry I was.
"Get. Out. Now." I pushed at Harry, trying to get him off the bed but he didn't budge "Go on. Go!" Eventually Harry stood up, turning to face me
"You know what Lou? Don't come. Just leave your dead girlfriend out there, and not say a word to her! Cause that's what a real man would do, right?" I lay down, turning away from him, silent sobs falling from my eyes "She was your fucking girlfriend Louis, heck, your fiance! Did that mean nothing to you?!" I stayed silent, hoping his form of torcher would go away soon.
I heard him sigh as he started for the door. The door handle turned, the door opening when he stopped again "I thought you were better than this Lou. If she really meant anything to you, you would get dressed, and come to her fucking funeral, cause I don't know about you, but I bet there's a bunch of people out there hoping you don't show up so that they can say 'I told you so. I knew she didn't mean anything to him'. Come to the funeral, don't come to the funeral, it doesn't make any difference to me. But if she truly meant anything to you, you would come and prove all those smug people wrong by proving how much you love her"
And with that, Harry left, slamming the door behind me as I winced at the bang of the woods smacking together. I turned back to face the ceiling, letting out the cries as loud as I could.
"Why can't you just come back to me, Rachel?"
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