Between Stars

40. The Reason

Exander finds me at my locker the morning after his return to school. "Rigel."

"Exander." I'm wary of talking to him. I feel like all eyes are on us, waiting to stir up another rumour concerning us and whatever kind of relationship they've decided we're in. But at the same time, it makes me unreasonably happy that he's coming to talk to me.

"Cael did not out us. I'm certain of it. Lloyd has significantly more motive, in which informing you of his innocence is accounted for."

I sigh. Exander can be absolutely impossible when he puts his mind to it (and it's ridiculous how much more that makes me like him). "Lloyd did not out us." I lower my voice even though no one else is within earshot. "He's gay too. He knows what kind of a horrible thing to do that is."

"Cael swore to me that he didn't do it and apologized for blackmailing me with the threat of outing us. He also offered to make it up to me in any way I'd accept."

"That doesn't prove anything, I'm sure he has some secret agenda to keep you out of the show-"

"Which I considered, so I asked if he'd be willing to assist me in organizing an extracurricular rehearsal over spring break. He agreed."

Okay, that's super weird. "I'm sure he's going to try and sabotage it somehow."

"He won't. He's sincere."

"What, did you make him take a polygraph or something?"

"No, but I'm certain he is being truthful. Lloyd, on the other hand, has several motives to both out us and convince you of his innocence."

"Oh yeah? Which are?"

"He's jealous. He either still has feelings for you and blackmailed us to have you break up with me, then told you he was innocent to coerce you into trusting him, and outed us to turn you against Cael and me. Or, he's slighted that you broke up with him and moved on with me, blackmailed us to have you break up with me, told you he was innocent to lull you into a false sense of security, and outed us to further damage our lives and relationship."

I shake my head. "No, Cael is jealous that you got the lead role in the show and he wanted to hurt you."

"Then why out both of us? Lloyd's grudge would be aimed at both of us, while Cael's is only at me."

"He could have thought it would hurt you more if I was outed too."

"But he'd be risking your friendship and influence in doing so. He cares about that."

"I can't believe you're defending him. He outed us, Exander. He's the reason you were-" I choke on my words, turning back to my locker and staring into it to try and level my emotions. "You were attacked."

"He helped you find me."

"It was probably a more violent side effect of outing you than he was expecting. He felt guilty."

"He felt guilty for threatening to out us, and he was clearly upset at the result of my attack. Lloyd hasn't apologized to me for anything, and he sees my injuries with indifference at best."

I take a few breaths, trying to come up with another argument. "He isn't like that. He's not a bully like that."

"Like Cael?"

"Yeah. He'd never hurt someone like this."

"He was Cael's closest friend and he assisted in blackmailing us. He provided the blackmail. He's clearly a bully. He's simply not physically large or loud enough to intimidate people on his own, so he manipulates Cael into doing it for him and outs us to the school to hurt us through rumours and homophobic attacks instead."

"But I dated him, Exander. I would never date someone like that."

"He might have changed," Exander says, his voice gentler now. "Did he never show signs of pressuring you during your relationship? Was he always supportive and accepting of your choices, especially that to stay closeted?"

I set my jaw. Because he wasn't. He would touch me and stuff in school, even when I told him I didn't want him to, and whenever I tried to tell him to stop, he'd turn it into a conversation about how we should come out together. But...

"Lloyd outed us, Rigel," Exander says quietly. "I just wanted to let you know."

And then the bell rings and he leaves.

I kind of float through the day, mostly trying to process the fact that Lloyd was the one who outed me and Exander. Our relationship. My emotions are moving pretty quickly, but I've only gotten to the third stage of grief by the time that drama class comes around.

Apparently, that's all the time I get.

Exander is acting sort of weird throughout the class. And then the dismissal bell rings, and everyone goes to their bags and packs up their scripts and stuff, except for Exander. Who goes straight to Lloyd with fire in his eyes.

Even with the dread of knowing what he's going to do in my stomach, I can't deny how attractive he looks when he's that combined state of pissed and determined. I tell myself it's not the time.

A big part of me wants to run away before any of this happens. Just avoid it. Don't get any more involved than I already am. Let Exander blow up at Lloyd, let Lloyd try and defend himself, and just stay out of it. They can battle it out between themselves.

Exander's already started ripping into Lloyd, who looks confused and pissed at the same time as he tries to defend himself. Mr. McNelson is standing up from his desk, frowning as he tries to figure out what's going on and who's involved. I tell myself it's too late now, there's no point in stepping in to back up either side.

"YOU'RE THE REASON I GOT ATTACKED!" Exander yells, and Mr. McNelson steps in before Lloyd can respond.

"Exander!"

Everyone's attention goes to Mr. McNelson. Except mine. I keep my eyes trained on Lloyd. And with everyone else's eyes off of him- he smirks.

Lloyd outed us.

Rage flares inside me. It's him. All of this is his fault.

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm in front of Lloyd and he's on the ground.