Precious [h.s.]

Chapter 35

He has a few plants at his house that he takes care of as if they were his children. One morning, when he got up earlier than me - as usual, I heard him talking to a certain someone so-called Frank which I found out when I went to see what he was doing that it was his plant. Later on, he revealed to me that he named all of his plants because in that way he gets a deeper connection with them, and they make his house feel less empty.

He told me his mom also likes gardening and that she really wants to meet me. I see the way his face lightens up every time he talks about her. I am aware that they have a really good relationship and I can't lie and say that when he speaks with so much joy in his voice about some story about her, or what conversation they had the day before on the phone, feelings of envy that I shouldn't be having towards him stir up in my heart.

I've told him about when I've visited my mom. It was dark inside the room and we were going to bed. It felt like the perfect moment to tell him about it, without him seeing the vulnerability that was showing on my face. We were on our sides, facing each other, but I wasn't able to make out his features, so he probably couldn't do it either. My hands were under my cheek and my head was resting on the crook of his arm. When I started speaking, he somehow still perceived that I was ripping my chest open talking about that with him, so he got closer to me and put his hand on my waist, slowly raising it towards my back where he started to run it up and down under my shirt.

After I finished what I had to say to him he told me, "We can go together again. If you want to." He brushed my hair from my face, and I felt frozen in time. "Yes," I said to him, even though I've never taken anyone there with me before.

I don't know what has gotten into me at that moment that made me answer so fast. In other circumstances I would need time to think, I would overthink, and I would probably say no, but at that moment maybe it was the proximity of our bodies, maybe it was the feeling of his breath on my cheek, or maybe the way I wanted to put my lips on his that took my mind away and the words out of my mouth. Yes.

Neither Adelia nor Michael have ever been by my side while I've visited my mom, considering that they are the only two people who someone might think would accompany me. Adelia suggested numerous times that she would like to see my mother. Before what happened, they were close, too. I don't know if my mom knew, but I have a feeling that she was aware that Adelia was the person to whom I confessed about everything that was going on at home. When she knew things were going to be bad, she sent me to sleep at her house and Adelia's mom had an idea why that was happening. Coming home, I would find my mother opening the door with a black eye or with bruises down her arms, but I couldn't do anything. I felt guilty. I still do. I wanted to help her. I wanted to leave, but what could I, a child, do about it? The only thing that could help was to wipe my mother's tears and tell her that it's gonna be alright, even if not even us believed that. We had hope. She had hope until the day she was left with nothing.

Hope is just masked disappointment.

Just thinking about the possibility of Michael being with me or supporting me in anything, makes me laugh. Lately, it's like he has forgotten about me. It's not a bad thing for me, but it made me wonder. Coming home late wasn't something unusual, but it never happened at 3 in the morning. He had been missing for days, and then came back and acted as nothing happened. It's to my advantage, of course. I get to be with Harry how much I want without having to worry, but I still think about it and try to find out why all of this is happening.

I made theories in my head, but I still haven't decided which one is more plausible.

1. He is (also) having an affair, or at least sleeping around with random people. The thought of him having an actual relationship amuses and terrifies me at the same time. I would not want any other person to go through my experiences with him.