Precious [h.s.]

Chapter 28

Is there a word for the way that I'm feeling tonight?
Happy and sad at the same time
You got me smiling with tears in my eyes
I never felt so high
No, I've never been this far off of the ground
And they say everything that goes up must come down
But I don't wanna come down

Awkward.

That's how I would describe the atmosphere between me and Harry.

We've been staying here and looking at nothing in particular just to avoid eye contact which would lead to us talking about the kiss.

Do I want to talk about it? Yes and no.

I want to know why he asked me if he could kiss me but if I did that he would ask me why I went for the kiss, and I truly don’t want to hear that question.

I don’t remember much from when he said that to me. It’s like the kiss was too important to not focus on it. Everything else doesn’t matter because that was the highlight of my day, or if I think better about it, it’s the highlight of many years of pretending I’m happy because I was forced to believe that.

It may seem like a stupid kiss or a stupid mistake- I’m yet to find out about this one- but it felt special. You know how these kinds of scenes are described in movies? Sparkles, butterflies, and love in the air? Yeah, it wasn’t like that; I don’t believe in that shit anyway, but for a real-life moment, and not one out of a sit-com, it was pretty close to that feeling.

Harry shifts beside me and I know he feels the tension too. If someone passed by, they would probably think we’re crazy. Two people spacing out, looking like they would be anywhere besides next to each other.

“So, how is your cat doing?” Dumbest question ever, but at least I broke the silence.

“Evie? Um, she’s good, I guess.” He crosses his arms and leans over his knees, finally looking at me, something that doesn’t last long because his gaze shifts to the ground.

Silence. Again.

Harry looks like he’s contemplating something, his eyebrows furrowed and his jaw clenched. We’re next to each other but I feel like we are miles away.

It’s right how I thought it would happen. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. We’re friends. Only friends. That’s what we’ve always been but also what we won’t be anymore in the next few minutes.

He was confused, I was willing. I went headfirst and didn’t think about the consequences. I never do, and look where it got me. Living a double life.

But it’s okay.

I should have expected something like this to happen. Did I really think something good was meant to last? This never happens. They all leave.