"The party's just getting started!" Kai yells.
The group doesn't notice the tension in the air and Aiden takes a big gulp from the bottle of champagne.
The world feels like it's spinning under my feet. How could he have caught feelings I thought I pushed him away too much for that to actually happen. What do I do if I have feeling for him also but it will ruin his life to know that. It will just end up a toxic relationship no matter what. I will never be able to be honest with him and yes that sucks but it's the way my life is. I had accepted that a while ago but he came along and ruined everything.
He smashed through the walls I built up around me. I could visualize them being hammered away at, Ashton doing the hammering.
I wasn't present in the situation because I felt like I was being pushed down and forced to feel something that I don't want to feel. Like I don't have any control and that's my biggest fear, having no control. Over what I do, how I feel, what grades I get, what clothes I wear, everything. Even tiny little details matter to me.
This one domino that's been pushed down has knocked down all the other ones making me feel helpless.
Out of control.
All I want to do is regain that control but how? I don't know how to control these feelings. It scares the shit out of me but I don't.
I want to scream, to tell him that I have feelings for him. That he constantly occupies my thoughts. That I feel the sparks that he feels. That I need him. That I don't want to continue sabotaging myself.
I was so close to admitting all this to Ashton. Two seconds away from it before Kai walked in. I wish I had just said it.
But I know I can't. Because if I do then I'm going to end up hurting him so much. More than denying my feelings.
Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. It's what I hope to be true.
"Liv?" I hear Aiden call my name and pull myself back towards reality. Back towards my amazing friends. I grab the champagne out of his hands and chug the rest of it.
I'm about to get absolutely shit faced.
~~~~
A/N: yes I know that it's a much shorter chapter than you deserve but I'm going to be uploading two more chapter tonight to make up for it and those will hopefully be longer.
anyways it seems like I will be getting to my goal and that's good.
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kisses 💋
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YOU ARE READING
nothing without you
Romance"I try so hard to be just friends but you sure don't make it easy." He averts his gaze from mine, and I wish he'd just look me in the face. "I don't make anything easy." I cup his face with my hands and turn it towards me, looking straight into his...
