Between Stars

12. A Dangerous Thing

I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him down on top of me. "Shut up."

He hums quietly, littering light pecks across my jaw. "Mmmm... okay."

And with that, he presses his lips to mine.

-

I get back home later than intended. And naturally, the one day where I'm home late is the day my mom decides to come home early. Her car is sitting in the driveway, condemning me to a full interrogation as soon as I enter the house. I sit in the driver's seat for a moment, trying to decide on the best course of lying. I'll say I was at Lloyd's house, studying- no. She'll ask where my textbook is, then. I'll say I was helping him study. For... biology. I took biology last year, and Lloyd has it this year. It's not a perfect excuse, but it's good enough.

I get out of my car and lock it behind me, trying to appear normal as I can. As expected, my mom is waiting for me with a number of suspicious questions as I enter the house.

"Rigel! Where have you been?"

"Lloyd needed help studying for a test."

"Oh? What subject?"

"Biology."

"You aren't in biology this year."

"Yeah, I was helping him study since I took it last year."

My mom continues to look at me suspiciously, but doesn't protest as I go to my room. "Dinner's going to be here in half an hour."

Sometimes I'm really glad that my mom's an astronomer. She's usually too tired from work when she gets home to take much of an interest in my and Spica's lives. She still holds us to a high standard of academic excellence- we get any grade lower than a 95%, and we're basically screwed. Our dad, on the other hand, is a professional chef for a very respected restaurant, and is more invested in my sister and I 'following our passion'.

They're also divorced and disagree on everything, so there's definitely an aspect of spiting the other through Spica and I. It's real fun.

I sit in my room ignoring my textbook until I'm called for dinner, informing Lloyd that I got home after my mom and had to explain my absence to her. He finds this funny, I blame him for it, he finds that even funnier, and after bickering over text for half an hour, I tell him that I have to leave for supper. I leave my phone in my room, knowing that if it went off even once during the meal, my mom would assume I've been texting instead of studying (which is true) and chew me out for it.

Dinner is a quiet affair. Mom talks about her work and the idiots she has to deal with, and Spica and I are each forced to share an anecdote about our day (and if it doesn't have to do with something academic, it doesn't count). We also have to tell her about our homework and studying requirements for the night, and any assignments we have so that she can constantly remind us of them whenever we're not studying for the next week (we learned pretty quickly not to tell her everything, but if she doesn't think we have enough to do then she'll make us do these stupid practice tests she finds online). Dinner's not the warmest, most loving family event, but our mom isn't a particularly warm and loving person. Our dad is more the emotional, caring parent, but his job as head chef can be pretty demanding, so we don't see him as often.

After dinner, I go back up to my room to continue not studying. I check my phone out of habit- one message from Lloyd, after I told him I had to go for dinner.

Lloyd:
K. Talk to you later, babe

I sigh and drop my phone on my nightstand. If I respond now, I won't have an excuse to get away and I'll have to text him for a few hours, at least.

He's my boyfriend, I remind myself. I should want to talk to him for hours. Many hours. Long into the night, until three in the morning, like we used to.

I still can't bring myself to pick up my phone and respond.

Instead, I lie back on my bed and let myself be consumed by thoughts of the very thing I can't have, as well as the many negative feelings that come with those thoughts.

Those thoughts of him.

Of all the people my heart could have chosen to fixate on, it had to be the one person who is so off-limits it's not even funny. He's the half-brother of Thaniel, my best friend, who has been fiercely protective of him for as long as I can remember. He's the crush of Spica, my little sister, who I should be trying to give the world to, since we're constantly being used as weapons by either of our parents against the other so we're kind of the closest people we have. He's the complete opposite of Lloyd, my boyfriend, who cares about me, and whom I've been dating for almost a year. And aside from all the personal wrongs I'm risking just by harbouring feelings for Exander, I'm also firmly closeted. There's absolutely no sense in destroying the perfect facade I've built to protect myself.

But despite the numerous threats and dangers that my impossible crush on Exander poses, I find myself constantly coming back to him. He's an enigma.

High school is mainly a test of survival. Most kids are just trying to get through it. There are, of course, the few who thrive in high school, because they're at the top of the food chain, looking down on everyone else and selecting their prey. Exander is... well, he's not at the top of the food chain, but he's not just trying to survive. It's like he just wandered in and changed everything for himself, soared to the top and challenged the predators, then bested them almost as a side effect of his natural success. Reckless, maybe. But then again, does he really have anything to lose by flying in the face of ordinariness? Does he have anything to lose at all?

Watching him with a longing ache in my chest for as many hours of the day as I see him doesn't seem to be getting me any closer to actual answers. It just makes me want to look at him more, for longer, and with a more potent yearning.

It's impossible to understand. He is.

But I want to. Desperately.

And that's a dangerous thing.

Thoughts on Rigel and Lloyd's relationship? How about Rigel's feelings for Exander and resulting guilt? Let me know what you think in the comments!

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