The tyrant's daughter

Chapter 10

Nikolai's POV

I could still taste her blood at the back of my tongue. Her screams still echoed through the walls. The image of her spasming on the floor was branded into my brain. I could still feel her warm lips on mine.

For the hundredth time this morning, I touched my finger tips to my mouth, unsure of the proceedings after she fell unconscious.

All I can say that it was chaotic and I couldn't even bear to look at myself, or her for that matter.

This was the first time I had ever harmed a human being so severely when I lost control and the guilt was eating away at me. I almost brought her to the brink of death, her skin was so pale and it had been burning.

Sweat had coated her forehead, tears welling up from her eyes. She looked exactly like a broken doll as Tolya had carried her to the infirmary. I wanted to go, I wanted to comfort her, apologise a thousand times and hope she wouldn't hate me. But who doesn't hate a monster? That's what I was, wasn't I?

And the screams, the blood curdling screams that had woken me up. It sounded that someone was carving her up in her sleep.She had also been muttering something.......I couldn't remember now. What had she been dreaming about? For that one moment, even when I had changed into the monster, I could relate to the excruciating pain and memories. I was reminded of my humanity, loneliness in a crowded room and overall detachment from the warmth and peace from my life. It had saved her life for that one moment. 

Maybe, just maybe, I was not so alone....

There was a knock on my door. It was Zoya. She closed the door behind her and took in the state of the room and me. The chair she had been sleeping on was still on the floor, clothes scattered. Thankfully, the blood had been cleaned. I don't know if I could look at it one more time without throwing up, which I did after Viktoriya was taken to the infirmary.

"How is she?", I asked, unable to look at Zoya.

"Fine, she's awake."

My head snapped up in relief. "That's- That's great!"

"She wants to speak to you."

Dread pooled in my stomach, turning the piece of toast I had eaten to lead. "Why?"

"I don't know. She's in the infirmary. Go talk to her.", she said, not giving away anything.

"Did she say she was angry?", I finally asked the burning question.

Zoya raised a perfectly groomed brow, "Are you afraid?"

I rolled my eyes, "Whaaat, no...... I'm just preparing for a showdown."

She smirked,"Keep telling yourself that.", and turned to leave.

I did hear the added,"If there is one, she would win.", just as the door shut.

As if I didn't know that.

***

The palace infirmary was deserted except for the bed at the very end. Genya's fiery hair was what caught my attention, followed by musical laughter. She was laughing?!

I cleared my throat to announce my presence and they stopped whispering and giggling. Her honey brown eyes met mine and her wonderful smile disappeared. Genya rose to leave, trying to convey someting from her eyes, but I was too distracted.

The amount of awkwardness in the air could be cut by a knife. I didn't know what to say. People called me a charmer, a person who could light up any party or conversation, but now I felt like a goat thrown in front of a lioness.