Stay (BTS x Reader-Polyamorous romance)

Chapter 17

"Come on. Come have dinner with us. Jin ordered takeout and he's got your favorite." Namjoon stood and offered a hand to me, gesturing for me to take it.

Although part of me wanted to say no, to rush out of there, a larger part refused to let me. It was my last chance to be part of their group, feel the love that flowed from every corner of the room. I wanted to be a part of it all. I wanted to see Y/N's eyes fill up with warmth when she looked at me, instead of that polite smile I had seen over the last few weeks. I wanted to snuggle into her embrace, feel her arms around me. I wanted to tell her how much I still loved her, hear her repeat those words back to me. It was all I wanted, but I knew I couldn't have it, but at least for right now, I could pretend she was still mine.

Standing up, I took Namjoon's hand, feeling the bond flow through me as he laced his fingers with mine. It was a subtle sign that he was not going to reject me, that he would still accept me as his mate, regardless of my relationship with Y/N. The knowledge of that was a calming touch to my aching heart, a soothing balm over the jagged edge wound I created. Following him into the living room, I cast my gaze around the room, seeing the smiles on my mates' faces as Jin passed around takeout containers.

Y/N looked up at me as I approached, but her face revealed nothing. No anger, no happiness, no sadness, nothing and that only added to the pain I was already feeling. I wanted her to be angry with me, to yell at me, to give me a reason to not feel so guilty, but I knew it would never come. She was not that kind of person. She would rather hurt herself then hurt one of us and I know that included Jimin.

I sat down next to Hoseok and he put an arm around me, giving me that bright smile that I had grown to love. The smile that made all the shitty emotions I was feeling fade just a little. From the very first night, Hoseok had said all he wanted was for his mates to be happy, so I knew he would be there for me no matter what. It made the love that had been building up for him spill over and I snuggled close to his side, needing his easy affection.

As we ate, the conversation flowed between us all and for that short while, I pretended that everything was okay, that I hadn't fucked up my whole life, that I hadn't pushed my human mate away, that I still had a place in her heart. Unfortunately, too soon it was over and I knew it was time for me to go, time for me to leave before I begged her to let me stay. Squeezing Hoseok's hand, I tried to ignore the look of sadness that filled the fox's eyes, but it tugged on my heart. I knew Hoseok wouldn't ask me to stay, even though the plea was there on his face. He knew I had made my choice and as much as he wanted me to stay, he knew I wouldn't, knew I couldn't.

I stood up and went into my room to grab my bag. When I came back into the room, the sad look on Hoseok's face was mirrored on Jin and Namjoon's. "Are... are you leaving Kook?" Jin's question was soft, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.

"Yeah. I told... told Jiminie and Tae that I would be... be there tonight." I looked over at Y/N and my heart shattered at the look on her face. I could see the way she tried to hide it, but the tears that filled her eyes were unmistakable. I had wanted evidence, proof that she still cared about me and it was right here in front of me.

Y/N got to her feet and I half expected her to hug me, but she just avoided my gaze and hurried into the kitchen, taking a piece of my heart with her. I went to follow her, but Namjoon stopped me with a hand to my shoulder. "Please. If you're leaving, let her be."

I wanted to protest at the way he was keeping me from my mate, but I knew deep down that he was right. More than anything I wanted to go after her, pull her into my arms and let her chocolate covered cherry scent surround me, but I knew I would just be hurting us both. Nodding my head, I turned and gave Namjoon a hug.