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"Pagod na ako."

Paulit-ulit kong naririnig ang mga salitang binitawan niyang iyon. Tatlong salita lamang ngunit hindi iyon mawala-wala sa aking isipan.
Hindi ko alam kung anong pagod ba ang sinasabi niya.

Pagod na ba siya sa akin? Pagod na ba siya sa pagiging cold ko araw-araw? Bakit? Dahil ba hindi ko magawang mag-first move para magka-usap kami.

Kung iyon ang problema, pipilitin ko ang sarili kong unahan siya sa lahat. I'll try my best to do first moves. I'm just in hesitant to text him first because of the thought that I might disturb him. I know he's busy with his studies and I can clearly understand that. I just don't want to be the clingy girlfriend because I don't want to be toxic. I want to offer him a healthy relationship as much as I could.

He doesn't want the idea of me wearing dress. I see... I won't wear dress anymore even if someone asked me to. Even I am required to wear one. I'll just refuse invitations that will make me wear dress. Ayaw ko ang may pinag-aawayan kami.

Few weeks have passed but I really couldn't reach him. Para bang nandiyan lamang siya sa kabilang kanto pero pakiramdam ko ay napakalayo niya sa akin. It felt like we're thousand kilometers from each other. I can't stand this anymore. I want to see him. I missed him so much.

I'm always sending him good morning messages but I'm not expecting any replies from him. Sometimes he'll reply to me but he's so cold. Colder than me.

Me:
Good morning, my love! :))

Cool off... Cool off ang tawag dito. Nagpapalamig lamang siya ng ulo kaya hindi niya magawang kausapin ko. Naiintindihan ko... Naiintindihan ko ang ginagawa niya. Galit siya sa akin at ayaw niyang masabihan ako ng hindi maganda kaya nilalayo na lamang muna niya ang kaniyang sarili mula sa akin.

I want to run and hug him but I couldn't do that. He... He needed space. Maybe I need to distance myself for the mean time. I'll just focus on my studies while he's away. He couldn't be a distraction to me.

I would love to come in their house to visit him, tita and Darrel but my thoughts were stopping me. What if he's busy? My presence might bother him. I don't want to be a distraction to him.

I heaved a sigh and just rested my back on the bed. I was hugging my pillow while thinking that it was him. Nahihibang na yata ako. Iniisip ko pa lamang siya nangingiti na ako.

"Ate Icy!" rinig ko ang tawag sa akin ni Jie.

Muli siyang kumatok sa aking pintuan.

"I don't want to eat. I'll just cook dinner for us later."

I'm just not in the mood to see people, to talk to others. All I want to do is sleep and hug this soft pillow.

"Demiel, ayaw niya raw kumain. Siguro ay hihintayin niya na sina mama at papa." rinig ko ang sinabi niyang iyon.

Napabalikwas ako nang marinig ko ang pangalan ni Demi. Totoo bang nandito siya? Did he went here to visit me? Did he miss me as much as I missed him?

I cast all my hopes away. He's just pranking me. Gusto niya lamang siguro talaga akong mapalabas sa kwarto ko.

"Ano ba 'yang dala mong pagkain?" tanong niya pa.

May narinig akong mga yapak papalapit sa aking kwarto. Oh, please, tell me that it's Demi.

"Icy..." I heard his voice.

Oh! He's really here! Pinuntahan niya ako! My heart almost jump with so much happiness.

"Let's talk, lumabas ka r'yan."

Finally! He's ready to talk about it now. He's finally ready to talk to me. I waited for this. Dalawang linggo lang kaming hindi nag-uusap pero parang ang bagal ng oras kapag hindi ko siya kausap. Para bang bumibigat ang mga gawain.

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