Through The Len's Part Two

16: No Pineapple

"I can move, you can have the house." He tells me. "This is our home, it wouldn't feel right," I tell him honestly. Where the hell is Paul, this bathroom break is very long. "I'm sorry Isabella, truly." "I know you are. I do. But you broke my heart, Ian." He looked down almost ashamed to meet my gaze. "And you just walked away from Indie like she was nothing." "I walked away because she's everything. Because you're both my everything and I was hurting you both... Look at me." He gestured to himself. "I'm a drunk." "You're not." "Isabella, I've not been sober since Nina's birthday... Since before then." I frowned. "I'm no good to her. I can't cope with life. What's that going to teach her?" "That you fight despite feeling like your drowning, that you ask for help. That family support you no matter what." I tell him. "Ian, you're my family... I don't care if we aren't together, or we get a divorce, you'll always be my family. And that means something to me." I took his hand and played with his wedding ring... I didn't know he still wore it. "Why are you so amazing?" He asked his blue eyes still bloodshot. "Blame the parents." I joked and we both chuckled. "I forgive you, Ian. Stop beating yourself up about it." He nodded holding my hand back now. "I just need time to heal." His other hand reached to my cheek pulling me closer to him. He kissed my forehead. "I'll get help. I promise." He assured me. "For Indie, and Bodhi and You." I had my eyes closed savouring the proximity between us that I had missed so much. 

"Please get help, Isa... I don't think I could raise Indie as good as you have without you." My breath gets hitched in my throat. "I'm not going to die, Ian." The pad of his thumb passed over my cheek in a soft stroke, I rested my head onto his forehead. "You look like you are... No one will tell you, Bella. But you're slipping away." He whispered to me like if he said it any louder I'd shatter. "I can't do life without you... seemingly... so you need to stay." He tells me as we pull away out of each others touch. 

"I'm trying." "I know." He said back simply. "You need to get some rest," I tell him standing up. "Lay with me for a while." "I don't think that's a good idea, E," I tell him honestly. "I can go find Paul." "I want you." I didn't trust myself. If I laid there next to him, I'd want to be in his arms. And all the old feelings would come crashing down and I'd want to stay in his arms like I used to be. I'd want to wake up to him every morning. But I deserved time. Time to process, time to heal, to move on. "Please." I pushed my lips in a straight line. 

"Let me call Nina... check on Indie," I tell him excusing myself. I went downstairs and Paul was sat in the lounge. "How did it go?" "Huh?" "You guys did talk, right? It was the perfect opportunity." He tells me stroking Stitich who had curled up on his lap and pesto who was laid next to him. "We spoke..." "And?" "I need time." He nodded understanding. "Going to call Nina... Check on my little princess." "You can head out if you want... I'll stay the night," he tells me. I looked up the stairs. "Just want to make sure he sleeps." "Well, whenever you're ready." I nodded.

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I laid in the bed with Ian, his head laid on my tummy, I ran my hand through his hair comforting him, it helps him sleep. "You staying?" He asked. "Until you fall asleep," I tell him honestly. I didn't want to lie to him. Lies got us here in the first place. "Can you tell Indie I love her?" "I tell her every day," I informed him. "You do?" I nodded and he turned to look at me. "Why?" "Because you do. And she deserves to know." He smiled at me before laying his head back down looking at me. "Sleep Ian." "But then you'll leave, and I've missed you." 

I put my hand back in his hair and played with it. "You need to shave... I don't like the bearded look." I admit to him. "I'll do it in the morning." I nodded. "And you need to start to eat properly... actual meals not take-out," I tell him. He nodded again. "And shower more." Nodded again. "And don't drink as much okay... I don't want to see any more videos of you on the news laid by dumpsters." "I will, I'll fix up, Bella." I nodded this time. "Sleep Ian. Paul's staying over. He's just taking the dogs out." 

I watch as his eye begins to get heavier, he kept fighting it. "It's okay, E. Go to sleep." I encouraged and he did. I laid under him for a little while longer, I missed feeling safe in his embrace. I missed being this close to him. I missed him I did. But I know I deserved better than what he did to me. I knew I did. But part of me knew I didn't want better. I want my E. I wanted my husband. 

I slipped out of bed an hour or so later and went into our room to back the bed back after we stripped it this afternoon. I noticed my wedding rings on the bedside table on my side of the bed. My eyes instantly filled with tears. I let a sob out before covering ym mouth to silence it. I let myself sit on the floor, covering ym mouth to obosorb the noises that were leaving it. I heard the door open and I tried to stop crying but I couldn't. I felt arms wrap around me. "It's okay, Bella, I'm here." Paul tells me, I turned in his arms and hid in his chest, I felt his arm rub my back to comfort me. "It's okay. You're both going to be okay." He told me. "He's not okay, Paul." "No he's not, but he will be. I promise you he'll be okay. We're all going to help him and you're going to focus on your daughter and yourself." "He's my husband." "I know you love him Bell, I know you do. But it's killing you. You've been worried about him for months despite being hurt yourself. Let me help him." I didn't say anything. "You trust me right?" I nodded. "Then let me do this...For you, for my brother, for my niece." I sobbed again fisting his t-shirt. "Let me do this." "Okay." 

"Go home, get soem rest and go see your daughter in the morning." I looked at him, her used the pads of his thumb to wipe my face dry. "He'll be okay." I nodded, we stand up and I hug him again tightly. "Love you." "Love you." I kissed his cheek before leaving, I locked the house up and drove to the house. It wasn't my home. My home was with my daughter and Ian. They were my home. But Ian wasn't mine, I made that choice. 

I laid in bed and I couldn't sleep, a million regrets were running around my head. I sat up and went down to the kitchen and looked through the fridge. I sighed to myself. I began to cook, I meal preped for Indie and I. And Ian. I'd drop them off in the morning when I pick Paul up... He had no car. At least then I knew he was eating good food. And I'd be eating. I had to eat. I knew that. I had to take back control. 

I cooked all through the night and then in the morning I went to our home, stocked up the fridge with the preped food before leaving quietly and going to pick up my daughter that I missed terribly. I hated being away from her.