If You Were Ours

Chapter Forty Eight - Dane

"I'm sorry Kins." I started, leaning forward so I could be closer to her while still maintaining the distance she'd put between us.

She eyed me carefully with so much pain in her eyes. Her small body had been through hell and Tyson and I were the cause.

"Explain. Tell me what the hell you were thinking." She finally said with enough bite in her voice to make me sit up a little straighter.

"It was getting so dangerous, Kins. And after Gia was killed we thought..."

"Tyson thought...you mean Tyson thought...right?"

She had me pinned with her gaze and she wasn't wrong.

"...Tyson thought you were in too much danger. That no matter what we did we wouldn't be able to protect you and that having you alive was the top priority."

"So why not put me in a safe house somewhere until you could kill Angelo?" She asked.

I sighed and dropped my head, ashamed of my answer to her question.

"Because... this was supposed to be a permanent arrangement. We thought you were better off without us, without the dangers that come with being ours." I said in a shaky voice, unable to look her in the eyes.

Narrowing her eyes at me, she harshly swiped at a tear that had started to roll down her cheek. She was angry and I deserved it.

"So you made a decision that would impact my entire life and our relationship without me, without my opinion, without my consent. No communication whatsoever?" 

"Yes...I thought we were doing the right thing, but my fear for your safety clouded my judgement. I couldn't lose you, I couldn't bury you the way we buried my sister or Tyson's parents."

She moved to comfort me but stopped herself, which hurt but it was progress.

"And Tyson just wanted..."

Kinsley's expression hardened and she cut me off before I could finish.

"Don't speak for Tyson. The fact that he's not here says enough." She said coldly and I didn't disagree with her.

"You hurt me, Dane. You broke my trust and you betrayed me. You abandoned me when I needed you and I don't know how to forgive you for this."

Her words slammed into my chest and made me ache, but I nodded along, knowing she was right.

"I understand." I said softly.

The silence in the room was thick and uncomfortable as we sat there unsure what to say or do.

"I slept in your bed...almost every night." I admitted.

Her chin quivered at my words but she remain unmoved and silent.

"And I checked on you every night through the security cameras. I was here with you Kins. Every second of every day...my heart was here."

Kinsley's shoulders bounced and caved as she gave into her tears and covered her face.

Please don't cry baby. 

I clenched my fists and grit my teeth as I fought the urge to rush to get and scoop her up into my arms.

"So in your mind, you sent me away because you love me?" She whimpered.

I nodded quickly, confirming anything positive that she could say about the situation.

"I love you so fucking much Kinsley." My voice was low and desperate and I pleaded with my eyes for her to believe me.

"Will you let me hold you baby? Please? I can't stand to see you cry." I begged.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and straightened her spine at my words.

"No. Im not ready to forgive you yet. I don't know how to." She said honestly, tearing me apart with her words.

"I think you should go." She whimpered.

No, not yet.

My heart ached and my muscles protested as I stood, keeping my word and respecting her wishes.

"Okay Kins, take as long as you need. I'll check on you tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day...I'm not going anywhere baby. I'm going to prove that to you somehow." 

My posture was slumped and defeated as I made my way to the door, but I had only taken one step over the threshold before I turned around to face her.

"Can you answer one thing before I go?" I asked.

Kinsley nodded slowly with her arms wrapped around her middle.

"Is there any part of you that still loves me or could love me eventually?"

I was terrified of her answer, but I needed to know.

Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes filled with tears as she swallowed hard before answering.

"Of course I love you, why do you think this is so hard? I'm yours and you sent me away."

Kinsley's small angelic voice and gut wrenching words tore me to pieces, shredding my heart from the inside out.

"I'm so sorry. And I'll spend every day of the rest of my life proving how much I love you, Kins. Every fucking day."

"Get some sleep baby and call me if you need me. I sent you a text with my hotel address and room number."

"Okay." She said softly before closing the door.

I took a few frustrated steps toward the elevator but the sound of Kinsley sobbing stopped me in my tracks. She must have been just on the other side of the door and the sound of her crying cracked my heart down the middle.

I can't leave her like this.

I slid down to the floor, taking a seat next to the door with my head leaning back against the wall.

"Want me to hit the elevator for you?" The guards voice echoed at the end of the hall.

"Nah, man. I'm gonna sleep here tonight." I said, resting my arms on my knees and closing my eyes.

I'm right here Kinsley.

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