BOREALIS ☽ Leah Clearwater ✔

Chapter 23... Heat

My legs still felt wobbly as I scrambled down the Cullens' front steps. I wasn't sure I would be able to make it home like this, but there was no way I was going to go back inside to ask for help. Going back in there would only remind me of where that conversation left off...

For a long time, I had tried to push that fact from my mind. I didn't like to think about it. I tried my best not to, as much as I could. I succeeded most of the time, but ever since Josh had asked me that big question, it had started to inch more and more into my consciousness.

Leah, what do you want?

At one time in my life, I thought I wanted a family. I had spent more time than I was willing to admit to picturing that life for me and Sam. After college, we'd settle down and get married. Then, inevitably, children. It was always a far-away idea, a one-day kind of thing. Kids were just what you did after you had checked all the other boxes, right?

But then the vampires came. And then Sam left me. And then I shifted for the first time. And then my periods stopped...

Bit by bit, then all at once, that image for the future was torn up.

I didn't know what I wanted now. Did I want a family? Was that why I tried so hard not to think about the fact that I couldn't really have one? Not the usual way. No kids of my own.

For a while, I really believed I would be alone. That would be fine, sort of, as long as everyone stopped rubbing my face in it.

But then Josh came along...

The rumble of a nearing motorcycle pulled me out of my spiral. Soon Jake appeared, riding his bike up the Cullens' winding drive. He slowed to a stop as reached me and pulled up the visor of his helmet.

"Jesus, Leah. You look like shit," he said.

I glared at him. "Thanks, asshole."

His mouth pulled into a line. "I didn't mean it to be a jerk. You really don't look good. Are you okay?"

"I—" I started, trying to sound brave, but I wobbled where I stood. I had to grab onto a tree to steady myself. "I don't know. I feel weird. Hot. The doctor thinks it might be heat exhaustion or something."

Jake slid off his motorcycle and put out the kickstand, coming over to me. "Can we even get heat exhaustion?" he asked, but his expression was tight with worry.

"Dunno," I said, panting slightly.

"Well, something's up with you," Jake said, frowning. "Why aren't you inside? I'm sure Dr. Cullen would take care of you."

"No," I said sharply before leaning back into the tree. "I don't want them to take care of me." No way was I going to tell Jacob that things got awkward when the topic of my fertility came up. I had already mentioned it to him once before and he got weird. I'd learned to keep it to myself.

Jake tutted at me. "You gotta get over your aversion to vampires, Leah."

"I have," I muttered. "Mostly." Just not when they want to examine me.

He just sighed, not willing to press the topic. "Well, what were you planning on doing? Walking home?"

"Something like that," I mumbled.

He sighed again. "Leah, for someone so smart you can be awfully dense."

I had to laugh. "You think I'm smart?"

"As far as werewolves go, yeah," Jake said, snapping his visor down again. "Though, I dunno if that's saying much."

I snorted.