Children's Games (a Sebaciel Fanfic)

Part 51

"What can I do for you, Bocchan?" Ciel shrugged, using the blanket to wipe the remaining tears from his cheeks, blood from his contract eye smearing garishly across his pale skin. Guilt growing within him, Sebastian got up and wet the washcloth once more, retrieving a dry one as well and knelt before his Master, poised the clean the tears from his cheeks. He paused, seeing the trepidation in Ciel's eyes and offered him the cloth instead. After a moment, the bluenette nodded tentatively and lowered the blanket from over his head, leaning forward a little, granting permission. He gasped quietly and withdrew when Sebastian touched his chin to raise his head. The loyal butler sat back on his heel; head tilted curiously and waited for his distress to pass. Ciel took a deep breath and pulled the blanket tighter around him, nodding again. When Sebastian didn't move, Ciel spoke quietly.

"Go ahead." Sebastian bowed his head and cradled Ciel's chin in his hand, carefully wiping the tears and blood from his cheeks. The cool cloth felt lovely against his burning skin and he closed his eyes, his sniffles finally subsiding as he was tended to.

"Did I hurt you?" Sebastian asked quietly, studiously wiping away all traces of his tears. Ciel averted his eyes and shrugged his shoulders.

"No. Well... no." The butler sighed quietly and stood, wetting the cloth once more. He knelt before Ciel again, pressing the cloth to his forehead in hopes the cool water would calm his burning skin. "It's okay... I'm... I'm okay now..." Sebastian scoffed quietly, sitting down beside him, setting the cloth aside.

"Perhaps now you are..." Beatrice meowed from inside the blanket and Ciel lowered it from his shoulders, letting it pool around his waist and the cat in his lap. She purred loudly as he stroked her fur, licking at his fingers as he petted her. "Please, Bocchan... tell me what prompted this." Ciel kept his eyes cast down to the cat as he ruffled her fur. When he finally responded his voice was quiet, barely above a whisper.

"I don't want to do that again." Sebastian nodded, waiting for him to elaborate. Instead, the young Lord leaned down, wrapping his arms around Beatrice. She meowed happily and placed a paw on either side of his neck in something like a hug. As he sat up again, leaning back against the wall, Beatrice stretched up and held onto him, making him hold her close to his chest and he buried his face in her fur.

"Okay. Tell me what it was, and I'll be sure it does not happen again; you have my word." The bluenette gave a little nod and hugged Beatrice tightly. She licked his cheek and chattered at him happily and Ciel smiled into her fur. As Sebastian watched them, he smiled a little himself. After a long pause, the young Lord spoke quietly.

"I don't like it when you're behind me." Sebastian nodded and reached for his hand. Tentative, Ciel allowed Sebastian to take it and he press his lips to his knuckles.

"Alright." Beatrice curled into a ball in Ciel's lap, and he leaned forward a little, shifting uncomfortably as he prepared himself to talk about his past trauma. Sebastian squeezed his fingers to get his attention when he saw the discomfort in Ciel's mismatched eyes. "It won't happen again." The young Lord nodded and took a deep breath before he began.

"They were always behind me when they..."

"Kitten, you don't have to..."

"... when they raped me." Sebastian ran his thumb across Ciel's knuckles and the bluenette held onto his fingers tightly. "I don't know what happened tonight. I thought... since it was you... I thought it would be okay this time..." Ciel felt tears rise in his eyes once more and blinked them away, looking down to Beatrice in his lap. "The one who came every night; he would..." Sebastian raised his other hand, shaking his head.

"Bocchan, really, you don't need..." eyes averted, Ciel continued as though he hadn't heard, his voice faltering every so often.

"He would come at me from behind... so I couldn't see him. He would tell me..." he paused, taking another deep breath. "He would tell me to be quiet... like a good little boy, and not to scream." Sebastian lowered his eyes, understanding now what drew up the memories that caused his fit. "And then... he would..."

"Master, please..."

"... he would fuck me... not... not like you did... it was... different. It hurt... and it went on forever..." A crimson tear slipped down his cheek and Sebastian wiped it away with his thumb, still holding his hand gently.

"My Lord... really, you don't need to continue..."

"... it was like... he went out of his way to hurt me. And I would try so hard not to scream... but I always screamed. I couldn't not scream." The young Lord swallowed hard, his voice cracking as he struggled to continue, disregarding Sebastian's plea for him to stop. "He would beat me then... for screaming... and then beat me because I was screaming because he was beating me..." tears spilled from his eyes and he looked at Sebastian, meeting his concerned gaze. "And then... all of a sudden you weren't there... it was him. And I could hear his voice and smell him and..." his voice caught in his throat as he stumbled over his words, now coming faster and rising in pitch. "... and I was there again... in that little cage and I could feel him and..."

"Ciel. Stop." At the sound of his given name, the bluenette paused, tears now streaming down his cheeks, a few stray crimson drops falling from his amethyst eye to stain the blanket that covered his thighs, barely missing Beatrice's fur. "Stop. I am not him. He is not here. And you are not caged. You are here, with me. And you are safe." Ciel bit his lip, looking pitifully up at Sebastian as he tried to comfort him. The guilt he felt at being the catalyst for Ciel's breakdown was nearly overwhelming, a new and uncomfortable emotion he didn't appreciate. "I am truly sorry, my Lord. I never meant to bring back such... dark times." Seeing the flash of sincere regret in Sebastian's crimson eyes, Ciel shook his head, looking away, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. The butler reached to wipe his tears away once more and Ciel closed his eyes.

"It wasn't your fault. You didn't know..." he paused, letting Sebastian caress his cheek gently, silently reminding himself that the cool fingers pressed against his skin were that of his loyal butler. When Sebastian lifted Ciel's chin he opened his eyes again, finally making eye contact with him. "... you... didn't know, did you?" The question was just shy of an accusation, but Sebastian shook his head and answered without hesitation.

"No, I'm afraid I did not. Had I known, this would not have happened. I am profoundly sorry, Master." Sighing softly, Sebastian squeezed Ciel's fingers. "Truly." Ciel nodded and looked around the room, his breath beginning to even out again.

"I'm sorry, Sebastian. I didn't mean to..." Sebastian raised a hand and cut him off mid-sentence.

"No, no. You do not apologize for this. You simply let me take you back to your room. I can draw you a bath if you like." Ciel shook his head, finally releasing Sebastian's hand and hugging Beatrice with both arms. The cat purred loudly, meowing several times into his ear, rubbing against his cheek.

"No... not a bath... I just want to lie down..."

"Of course, Bocchan. May I carry you?" Ciel hesitated but agreed. Sebastian scooped him into his arms, blanket, Beatrice and all, and carried him gently out of the bedroom. "Would you prefer tea, or warm milk?"

"... milk. And... you'll stay until I sleep?"

"Of course, young Master. If that is your wish." Ciel nodded and laid his head against Sebastian's chest, Beatrice followed suit, still purring happily as they were carried to Ciel's bedroom.