Hues of an Abstract Mind (Arte del Amor #4)

Chapter 39

Dada and I spent at least a month in Germany, touring the local places before deciding to fly out of the country and explore somewhere else.

Gusto ko muna kasing malaman kung ano ang buhay ng ama ko sa bansang ito at kung paano siya nabuhay sa mahabang panahon na hindi niya ako kasama.

That's understandable, right? Buong buhay ko ay nanatili ako sa proteksyon ng nanay ko kung saan iniwas niya ako sa lahat ng mga posibleng bagay na makasakit sa akin, to the point where I had no idea what my father was up to.

Let's just take this as my way of making up to him. He's not getting any younger and I have been an adult for so long but I never reached out to him like I am supposed to.

I was too scared of offending any of my parents, I forgot what truly mattered.

After that, we spent months traveling around Europe. Tulad ng plano namin, nagpinta nga kami nang walang sawa sa halos lahat ng destinasyon na pinuntahan namin.

Instead of taking pictures of scenery, we painted it. There were plenty of times when I wished time would go slower because I loved every moment I spent painting alongside my father.

We still took some pictures so I'd have something to keep in a photo album in the long run, of course. My mother would like to keep pictures of me for sure.

Before I knew it, I was making precious memories that'd last me a lifetime.

Minsan ding sumagi sa isip ko na buti na lang pala at malaki na ako ngayong nakasama ko si Dada. Kung bata ako at ngayon namin ginawa ito, makalilimutan ko lang.

At that naive and clueless age, I couldn't have understood how meaningful every moment was. It is easy to take things for granted as a child.

Ngayon, alam ko kung paano pahalagahan ang bawat minutong kasama ko ang ama ko, dahil alam kong hindi ko siya makakasama habangbuhay. Alam ko kung gaano kapait ang buhay nang malayo sa kaniya kaya mas alam ko kung paano pahalagahan ang buhay na kasama siya.

Alam ko na rin ngayon kung gaano kahalaga ang kalayaan at kapayapaan ng puso ko habang unti-unti kong nararamdaman ang muling pagkabuhay.

I won't say I am wise, it's just I know that I know better now than I ever did. Though I wish I had spent more time with my father back then, I am still thankful that we still have that chance now, when I have the capability to appreciate it more than ever.

Sa pag-ikot namin sa iba't ibang bansa, marami akong lugar na nagustuhan. Among the many countries I liked, there is one country I completely fell in love with.

Nakahanap ako ng lugar kung saan gusto kong manatili. I didn't give myself a deadline or an end date of when I'd leave, and I am not sure if I'm staying forever... but for now, I like it here in France.

It didn't even take me a long time to decide whether I'd like to stay here or not.

One day, we went here to look around, then boom. I'm staying.

I want to stay. I just know that I do.

Ayaw ko munang umalis kaya naghanap ako ng paraan para mamuhay dito. Natuto akong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa nang malayo sa mga mahal ko sa buhay. Gusto kong malaman ang lahat ng tungkol sa sarili ko muna, malayo sa opinyon ng iba.

Since my surgery, I have had a crisis. I lost sight of a future for myself and even though I was living, I was also the worst kind of alive.

Now that I am here in France, alone and thriving to make my way into this vast world, I am gaining all that lost vision back.