Unraveling Cameron (18+)

IV - There's no Turning Back

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"Quinn, we need to talk." A voice cut through the deafening music which was blasting in every direction. I tried to focus my eyes away from the dancing bodies as I turn around to see a fuming Cameron.

"No, we don't." I gave him a stern look before turning back around to find anyone familiar. But before I could go any further in the room, a hand grabbed my arm. It was gentle but firm enough to stop me from wriggling free. I snapped my head to his direction and glared straight to his eyes.

"Please." He stared pleadingly. His eyes looked tired and dark, almost empty but desperate at the same time.

After a silent deliberation inside my head, I sighed and followed him. He made his way through the room littered with streams of people towards the garden in the back. The landscape was dark and we were the only two people in there. The yellow garden lights were the only thing illuminating the place, maybe in a different circumstance this would be magical.

"You've been ignoring me." He broke the silence. I could see his jaw clenching, probably refraining himself from getting angry.

It's been a week since he asked me to be his girlfriend. And after my rejection, I decided to avoid him altogether.

"Yeah that was the plan. But you don't seem to get it anyway." I rolled my eyes to emphasize just how much I don't want to be here right now. I heard him release a frustrated sigh in return.

"So this is how it's gonna be? You're just gonna throw everything away because you're scared?" He snapped at me. I rarely see him angry or frustrated, and I wasn't really looking forward to face this kind of Cameron right now.

"Scared? Is that what you think? That is far from the reason we can't be together Cameron! Why can't you fucking get it!" I was screaming now. The atmosphere was thick and we were all alone to scream our hearts out.

"Then explain to me Quinn, for god's sake. Explain to me why we can't be together even when I know that you want it just as bad as I do." Desperation weighed so much in his voice. He pounced towards me. He was clenching his fists so hard and his eyes were burning just as much as mine.

If only it was easy. If only this life can be as easy as having the person you love. But our life is too messed up for that. And he knows it.

"Cameron, you know this relationship isn't just about us. This is what our sick parents want us to do. This is the thing they have been forcing all our lives and I'm tired of it. I know it's selfish and stupid, but I don't want to give them that satisfaction. You are the only thing that makes this life breathable, and I don't want to lose freedom in that, too. We aren't ready for this. I don't think I'll ever be ready to the pressure of this whole fucking game our parents are playing on us. I don't think I'll ever be ready to the possibility that this won't work and I'll... I... I can't lose you, too."

It was all it took for the dam to break. My emotions were all over the place. My tears came rushing through the thick wall I built. I was breathing so hard and seconds away from breaking down. But I wiped the tears that escaped and watched as Cameron fell silent. He knew every word I was saying is true and he just can't deny it. His eyes never left the ground and his jaw was clenched so tight.

"And I don't even know if this is real. How can I be so sure if this is love when this is all I ever had. How can I be so sure when this is all my parents ever taught me. That you were the only man out there that could ever love me. How the fuck am I suppose to know what's real anymore, Cameron?" I took a step forward towards him and banged my fist against his chest. But it didn't lessen my frustration. I can still feel the antagonizing ache with every breathe and every whimper. I wanted to scream until my lungs give up and every bottled up anger breaks free. But it was futile, I'm far to deep to reach the surface again.