The Girl in the Woods

Chapter 18: Our World (Part 2)

"Every church is built on the possibility of human redemption." - 911 TV Show

~TGITW~

Chapter 18: Our World (Part 2)

OUR WORLD. 2019 A.D.

Dear Diary,

Today, I lost someone.

He was someone who found me when I ran away from home. Someone who was there for me when I suffered through depression.

Father Jacob was like a real father to me, more so than my own dad. He was someone who took a chance on me.

I still remember when I first met him. I was 16 and had ran away from home.

I had gotten into a fight with my father and I figured enough was enough. I could take it no longer. My strenuous relationship with my father had reached its limit.

On the outside, my dad was seen as a man of good reputation in the community. But behind closed doors, he was a horrible father and husband. Growing up, my dad and mom would always get into fights. Often, it would end up with my dad getting physical and hurting my mom.

I guess it was because of this that I grew up with a strong sense of justice and a desire to protect those weaker than I. There were many times, that I would try to stand up for my mom and ended up getting into physical confrontations with my dad. In the end, I grew up really hating my dad.

I hated how he was a hypocrite and a liar. I hated that he would hurt my mom and me. Most of all, I hated that the ugliness and darkness I saw in my father, was the same ugliness and darkness I saw in myself.

When I couldn't bear it anymore, I ran away. I had run away a couple times before, but I always ended up returning home after a day or two. That time, I was determined. I resolved myself to never coming back. I wandered around and somehow ended up in a rural town church.

It was there I met Father Jacob.

I was sitting in the pews trying to figure out where to go. He must have noticed something wrong with me because he approached me.

He smiled at me and asked if everything was alright. His face carried a warmth and gentleness. Sensing my reluctance, he didn't push too hard with his questions. Instead, he offered me a warm meal and a place to stay. I will never forget the kindness he showed me that day.

I ended up staying in town for a month.

My encounter with this man changed my life. He became like a father to me. Because of him, I was able to let go of the hate I carried for my biological father. He looked out for me and was the only person I ever really opened up to. He was everything a father should be. Father Jacob showed me what it meant to really love and care. He was patient with me and never gave up on me.

One of my fondest memories was when Father Jacob would pat my head affectionately. It was in those moments that I truly felt a father's warmth. That simple action conveyed how proud he was of me. I didn't realize it before then, but I had never been told I did a good job or that someone was proud of me, especially not by my biological father.

Looking back, I was a pretty spoiled brat. It's true what they say, hurt people hurt people. Just as I was hurt, I lashed out at others and hurt them, especially my younger brother. I was a mean and manipulative kid. But Father Jacob did not dismiss me as a hopeless case. He saw good in me and focused on that. Even when I was at my worst, he loved me.

He was there for me. He was always there for me. Even during my early 20s when I experienced depression, he was there. When I had lost hope and was questioning my existence, he helped me through it. He showed me love and was patient with me. He reminded me that there was hope and purpose.

In the end, Father Jacob persuaded me to go home and reconcile with my father. He told me that unforgiveness was like drinking poison and expecting it to hurt the other person. Although it was hard, I agreed. I thought to myself: If I can love my dad, I can love anyone.

Even after going home, I remained in contact with Father Jacob over the years. He was my mentor and my friend. He guided me into my young adult years. And with his help, I discovered more about myself.

I never really had a lot of close friends growing up. I thought I just didn't care much about others, but I actually cared too deeply. I didn't realize I had set up walls around my heart to protect me. I didn't realize I just wasn't letting people in so that they couldn't hurt me. I feel things too deeply.

At first, I thought it was a bad thing, then I realized it was our greatest strength to be able to connect with others. With Father Jacob's help, I started to let people in. By doing so, I discovered that I had such a capacity for love. I was actually willing to sacrifice so much for others.

And now after many years, I thought I had finally matured as a person. I thought I did all the 'growing up' I could already. But when I visited him at the hospital today, when I saw him draw his last breath, my heart broke into pieces. I realize I still feel like that lost little girl that walked into that church. I still needed him.

Now that he's gone, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. There's gotta be some meaning or purpose to it all right? I mean, what's the point of it all if there was no greater purpose for everything?

Faith Mikaelson

P.S. Today, I decided to adopt Father Jacob's last name, Mikaelson, in remembrance of him.