Conflicted(on hold)

Fünfzehn*

Flashback 1 year*****

"How do you do it?" Ollie asks me, shifting around in the drivers seat.

"Do what exactly?"

"How do you love music so much? It's such a fleeting thing, you know? It's not concrete, just words with melody and I don't understand how you love it so much," he says.

I laugh because Ollie would be the one person that considers music in a pessimist light. His hand tightens on the steering wheel as we turn a corner on the hot asphalt street.

"Well music is beautiful in the sense that is it universal language, really. So many people can relate to music no matter their background or struggle. Music is beautiful, Ollie, not because it is whole in the tangible sense, but because it is wholly in people. It's made from hurt, its inspired from love, it's pieced together with raw emotions and while none of it is visible or touchable, it is, without a doubt, real. That's why I love music," I respond, feeling very philosophical.

I love it when Ollie and I can have deep conversations like this without it getting weird. It's what makes our friendship so awesome.

He nods, processing my statement thoroughly and pulling into the parking lot. The video store is just a few rows away, but he insists on finding a closer parking spot. When he finds a spot in the first aisle, he pulls in and looks me dead in the eye.

"Don't make this weird Val but could you please sing something to me? It sounds odd I know but it's my first day at this job and I'm extremely nervous and your voice always calms me down so could you just-"
I interrupt him before he hyperventilates, agreeing to his wish.

"Ollie it's ok, I'm just glad at least someone enjoys my voice."
His hands are gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles are turning white. I don't understand why he's so worked up, but Ollie's always been the kind to freak over nothing.
I start singing a song, one that always made me feel better listening to it as a little girl.

"I've been here, before, a few times,
And I'm quite, aware, we're dying..."

My soft voice rings throughout the car, but it doesn't seem to help him relax. I can practically see the tension flowing off of his shoulders, so I grab his hand and lace it in mine. He looks directly at me, eyes full of worries and I can only hope my voice will make him feel better.

When I reach the chorus, his breathing is in time with mine, meaning he's starting to calm.

"Cmon let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always,
Kiss you, taste you, all night, always."

His eyes shut as he grips my hand softly, and I smile at the lanky boy next to me whose only fear is working at a freaking video shop.
I end the song in a good mood, praying it'll rub off on him. Ollie could definitely use some good vibes right now.

After what feels like hours, he finally lets go of my hand and grabs his things for work.
"Hey Val, have I ever told you that you have an amazing voice?" He says, and I blush. He knows how I hate compliments, especially when it comes to my singing.

"Yes, many times unfortunately," I respond.
"Yeah well, maybe not enough."
His hand cups my face and for a moment, I almost think he's gonna kiss me.

He doesnt. His hand drops and he's about to shut the door when he says one last thing.
"Pick me up here at eight, right?"

"Yeah Ollie. I'll be here, like always."
He doesn't catch the reference, thank god, and shuts the door. I climb over the center console and sit int he drivers seat. After a little seat adjustment, I drive off back to my house.
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*later that night*