Guns and Rebels (The Shadow Series, Book 3)

Chapter 19 - Parenthood

"I know," he breathed. "I have nightmares." He looked down at his hands, showing them to me. The scars in his palms were almost so faded, it was hard to tell they were even there anymore. "My hands ache when I wake up."

I put my hands on his, balling them into fists, covering the scars. "It's better now though, right?"

"Yeah, it's better. Barr helps me a lot with keeping control. Even after all these years, I still need him. I doubt there'll ever come a time when I don't. I don't know how you go without Nila here."

"Nila is here," I said and put my hand on my chest. "I can contact her whenever I want, and she'll manifest for me. She's just not physically here but I don't feel like that's a problem. If I need her, she's always near anyways. We don't need physical contact."

Quinn nodded a bit and glanced up at me. "Is it weird I kind of feel like I do need the physical contact?"

"No, I don't think so. You're also friends with Barr. He has a life here with Huck too. I can't imagine that doesn't have anything to do with it as well."

"It does." He sighed a little and slumped down in the sofa. "Thanks for letting me crash here a little. I needed to get away. Sára is teething so she's crying all the time. Àlvar never cried that much."

"Mikaal cries too," I tried.

Quinn smiled. "When are you waking him up from his nap? I've been waiting for ages to gush over my nephew now."

I snorted and went to the crib Dy and I had installed in our own little apartment. It looked much like Quinn's but it was smaller. And it wasn't the one I had grown up in. This one was usually used for guests. I couldn't go back to my own. It had belonged to a different girl. A girl I couldn't even begin to recognise anymore.

I gently grabbed my son and hoisted him out of the crib. He opened his eyes and looked tiredly at me.

"I know, you'll get food though," I murmured and was about to go to the door, but Quinn was already there taking a bottle from my servant. He handed it to me with a smile and we sat back down in the sofa again.

"Didn't Dy insist on breastfeeding?" Quinn asked as I got Mikaal to take the bottle.

"Yeah, but it's not enough, the doctor says. He isn't gaining enough weight, so he'll get bottles as well."

"Ah," Quinn murmured. "Is... Dy okay?"

I grimaced a little. "She thinks she's failing as a mother, you know? It's such a basic thing to do but she can't do it without help."

"It happens. It doesn't reflect on her skills as a mum. She's great, isn't she?"

"She's so great. She's incredible with him." I looked down at my son and smiled at him. He was contently eating, his eyes closed. He was such a pretty little thing. And he looked so cute when he ate. The way his cheeks got all fat and his chin went up and down.

"Then that's all that matters then."

Mikaal finished his bottle and I let Quinn have him to burp him. He was much better at that than I was.

"Try telling my wife that," I muttered.

"Is she still a little uh... Pregnant crazy?" Quinn grimaced a little.

"It's not as bad as it was before. She also knows when she's going over the line. So, it's much better now."

"Glad to hear it. To be honest, I was a little crazy after Àlvar came to the stronghold too. I think everyone loses their minds a little when they become parents for the first time. Islo says so anyways. He lost his mind with Isla but was much more levelled when Àlvar came. And now he's doing it again with Sára, and he's just so good at it. It's a little annoying sometimes." He chuckled and Mikaal burped. Quinn brought him a little further down, rocking back and forth a little. The small boy relaxed and smiled at me. He was so loved.

"Have you found his mother yet?" I asked tentatively.

He shook his head, gently to not disturb Mikaal. "No. I'm not sure if she doesn't want to be found either. Maybe they killed her? I'd be surprised if Dreki left any ends untied."

Dreki had above all been smart. There had been so many threads to untangle in his wake. Political agreements with different businessmen, with Skyen, with Bursaaq.

It had been such a mess and Quinn had had to build everything from the ground up again. Establish entirely new laws, rewrite old ones, make a new government, figure out what the monarchy's role was in all of this. What his own role was.

I had to admire how he had stepped up to the plate, when it came to him being king.