Stupid Supergirl AU's

The characters as NotEvenEmily Vines/Tiktoks

'Cause I'm obsessed with her

Cass: "Are you a top or a bottom?"
Lori: "I am...just happy to be there."

Kelly: "I'm here to talk about my late grandmother."
Alex: "Of course she was late with her rusty walker and her rickety bones. I mean, boobs sagging so low - scrapping across the pavement. Nipples halfway off. That's why we hate her."
Kelly: "I didn't mean late as in not punctual...I meant late as in she's dead."
Alex: "Right! Exactly! And may she Rest In Peace."

Maggie: "The victim was watching anime in his apartment as an intruder came in and stabbed him seven times in the chest."
Nia: "Was it subbed or dubbed?"
Maggie: "What?"
Nia: "The anime, was it subbed or dubbed?"
Maggie: "Um I believe it was dubbed."
Nia: "Well then he deserved it. Case closed."
Maggie: "Wait what?! Where are you going?"
Nia: "To find the murderer and thank him for taking that Heathen off the Earth and then find the Victim's parents and tell them that someday they will meet their son in hell."

Lori: "Mom, my friends at school were calling you a milf. What's that?"
Lena: "Well... sweetie, it's a fact."

Lilian: "Wow! You're really going to call me a bad mother *scoffs* Lily, am I a bad mother?"
Lena: "Mom, my name is Lena."

Lori: "Wow babe, you're serious? You're kink shaming me?"
Cass: "You asked me to role play as Wanda."

Jess: "Hi ah, is this the entrance to the ER?"
Lena: "Yes it is, do you have an emergency?"
Jess: "Yeah, I uh-" *Does the gay hand*
Lena, looks at it: "You're gay?"
Jess: "No, I-I-I broke my wrist. *Awkward laugh* I'm straight."
Lena: "Oh you're straight?! Okay well that surely is an emergency, come follow me."
Hope, wearing lingerie: "Is this really necessary Mrs Luthor?"
Jess: "Whoop, never mind. I'm gay."

Lex: "I just don't understand why I'm in trouble."
Lena: "You really don't understand why you're here?"
Lex: "It's not my fault that I turn heads when I walk into a room."
Lena: "Actually it was kinda your fault when you walked into that room and then snapped the heads of seven men. So..."
Lex: "I mean when you phrase it like that-"

Lena: "Shes not breathing! Who knows CPR?"
James: "I know CPR! I can do mouth-to-mouth and compressions."
Kelly: "Okay well hurry. We don't want to lose her!"
James: "Okay! Okay! I'll start by giving breaths...I do have oral herpes though."
Kara, opening her eyes with a grossed out expression on her face: "No need for all that...I'm awake now."

Lena: "Whenever I'm holding my baby, she just won't stop crying."
Kelly: "Well why don't you try putting her down in the crib?"
Lena: "Putting her down in the crib?"
Kelly: "Yeah I mean, why not?"
Lena: "I mean, I guess you're right. I could put her down in the crib. I just...need to find somewhere to get a lethal injection so I can put her down."
Kelly: "WHAT?!"

Lena: "For the last time! This is my laboratory! *Looking at the group* If you're going to watch Hentai, use your manners and plug in your headphones. This is the worst group of student visitors I've ever had to show around my lab."

Lori: "Ma!"
Kara: "Yes sweetie?"
Lori: "There's a monster in the closet."
Kara: "Okay? And? It can come out on its own time and we will support him no matter what. And just because they're gay doesn't make them a monster. Now go to your room before I get Nia to cancel you."

Kelly: "Now, we've all experienced lose. So does anyone want to share what they've lost. I know it can be quite personal-"
Mon-El: "My foreskin. Long gone."
Kelly: "Thats uh, I'm sorry to hear that. Umm thank you...for sharing with the group that your circumcised."
Lori: "My grandmother died this morning."

James: "So what are your thoughts on women-"
Lori: "Yes."
James: "What are your thoughts on women-"
Lori: "Yes. Yes."
James: "On women's limited access to reproductive healthcare."
Lori: "Ohhh no. No that's bad. Boobs and butts though that's pretty...that's cool."
James: "Can't argue with that. Thank you for watching this interview with Supergirl. The city's in good hands."

Lena: "So how's Marcus?"
Alex: "Oh you know he's good but he's getting bullied at school."
Lena: "Oh so he's back doing in person classes?"
Alex: "Oh no."
Lena: "Oh. Then how is he getting bullied if he's just at home?"
Alex:
Lena: "...Alex?"
Alex: "He's such a douche, okay, someone's gotta do it."

Teacher: "Hi, so we called you in here 'cause we found your daughter looking at adult websites in class today."
Lena: "Oh my god. I-I am so sorry."
Teacher: "Yes she was looking at apartments.com and as far as I'm concerned she doesn't even have a credit score, so I don't know what she's doing on that website."
Lena: "Oh so adult like like ohh okay."
Teacher: "Yeah, if you look in her search history underneath boobs and lesbians, it says apartments.com."

Doctor: "So are you sexually active?"
Mon-El: "Well I skate and I'm in a band so."
Doctor: "So you have chlamydia. Noted."