Fear to Let Go

Chapter 11

Iris and I left back to my house after a few as I got to my living room, lying down on the sofa. Iris sat down at the edge.

„If you need anything, I'll be here, okay?"

With a nod I closed my eyes, thanking her for staying over. With a slight smile she then let me rest up, leaving into the kitchen. My rest didn't take too long however as suddenly I got woken up by someone staring at me with a strange grin. It creeped me out.

„You look even better close up~!"

After blinking nervously I recognized him. It was the same virus who had been stalking us that one day! As I demanded him to get away from me, Iris noticed the commotion, getting to me fast as the black virus left. Concerned she came to me.

„Who was that??"

„I don't know... I'm sure it was that person again who once stalked us. Do you remember? When I took you to your place?"

She gasped a little, nodding and looking back at the window a little, but then slightly blushed embarrassed. For a moment I wasn't quite sure why, yet then I remembered. Right. That day she first kissed me. Barely a few weeks ago. I could feel my heart beating faster again when we looked at each other. I wanted to let her know, yet at the same time not, because that would just make it all harder than it already was. She came closer to me.

„Scyaram, I still feel the same way for you. In fact, the more time we spend together, the more I feel. You're so gentle and kind, caring."

Softly she blinked.

„I love you."

I blushed more. Yet those three words, they wouldn't leave my mouth. The only thing happening to me was me getting more nervous again. How unfair! Why wasn't I able to? It felt like she knew my struggle as she backed away a bit again. Yet I got up, holding her face to which she blushed.

„S-Scyaram..."

„C-Close your eyes! Please."

After blinking a little, she slightly smiled and did what I told her. She was so pretty today again. After nervously biting onto my lip, I carefully came closer to her, eventually kissing her first this time. She seemed to quite enjoy it as she held onto me, suddenly using her tongue for the kiss as I shook back a bit as she slightly chuckled.

„What-"

„This is, uhm, a better kiss~."

Sweetly she smiled, looking at me as I was still blushing quite a lot. A better kiss? A little hesitant I was kissing her again, trusting her words and also using my tongue. Almost automatically I held onto her closer, so did she. It actually did feel better, so passionate, almost had me addicted. She was pulling me real close, moving her own body closer to mine as well. No wait! Suddenly I stopped, leaning my head against hers.

„Iris wait..."

She tried to kiss me again, yet then looked at me.

„I-I can't ..."

„What do you mean you can't? You were real good."

„Iris, please... I know you want this but, I'm- this is going too fast."

Iris only looked at me a bit sad, then down, slowly letting go of me. Of course I didn't want this to stop, but something inside of me was keeping me from trying. Gently I held her face again.

„I beg you, be patient with me. I don't know about this whole love-stuff well, this is.. I..."

She put her finger in front of my mouth, looking at me.

„Alright. I'll be patient. But tell me, do you see me as your girlfriend yet or just after that stuff you can't do just yet?"

I took a breath. That was truly a good question. After thinking for a while, I chose the second option.

„I-I'd say we're friends, trying something."

She slightly nodded while softly smiling, agreeing to that term, then hugging me. Why couldn't I just tell her the truth, the way I was actually feeling, the way my heart and mind struggled to act as a team? A bit unhappy I let go of her, yet she booped my nose.

„Is it alright if I leave for a few? I forgot I still need to shop something."

Surely she was free to go wherever she wanted. With a smile she assured me to be back soon, then left off her ways. My fingers gently moved over my lips as I had to smile. I kissed her first. As I blushed I couldn't help chuckling. It felt so good, why did I ever stop? Holding her close to me was one of the best feelings I've had in a while and in all honesty, the way she moved was turning me on. My stupid brain just wouldn't let me getting closer to her, trying to move a step further. Certainly, one day, but when would that one day be? I let her wait for weeks by now. As my thoughts were sorting after a while, I turned to the door. My heart was beating fast. Yes. Follow her, finally let her know! She wants you, so what are you waiting for? Fast my feet carried me to her home. Yet as I was about to knock, I noticed how the door was already opened. Did she forget to close it? Quietly I did, then moved around, looking for her. A dim light was shining from her bedroom. Carefully I was about to knock. However. That moment I just hoped to vanish. There she was, with someone else, in the bed. Pretty shocked I stared for a moment, then moved behind the door, holding my hand in front of my mouth. This is not true. This isn't true! As they got a little louder I left fast out of her house and back to mine, leaning against the door from the inside, tearing up and gliding down to the floor as I curled up, crying in pain. I didn't want to believe it. Not her. Not Iris! We had just shared the most beautiful moments and suddenly they felt like knives, stabbing into my heart over and over again. Why... How could you...? Iris...

I told you to forget about her. Please stop crying, Senpai...