Fear to Let Go

Chapter 6

This strange place was slowly becoming more familiar to me, despite not enjoying it too much. After I was leaving for a moment, I discovered a few humans near the base of the other viruses. Somehow it felt wrong not to do anything about it, so I planned on telling Simulacra as I suddenly bumped into a female virus. She looked truly scared and the commotion was soon heard by the humans. Even though I wouldn't have needed to care, it still felt like I had to protect her, so without thinking any longer I was lifting her up into a tree, covering her mouth from behind. She was frightened, and frightened people tend to act emotional. Luckily they didn't look up and left soon enough without getting suspicious. After she was calming down I helped her getting to Simulacra. There was nothing I could do for her and neither had I any interest in doing so.

„Listen, I'm not a protector, uhm..."

„Iris."

„Iris..."

I noticed how she kept looking at my legs and it made me truly uncomfortable. At the same time it had been my fault all along so there was no reason to feel that way. As I left however I was about to pass by a Virus I've known all along. Iva. She'd been there before me already and he were forced to stay with each other for a little while. Since Hanta started becoming a rather familiar person to me, Waira became the person to show her around. For some strange reason she snapped me, which of course irritated me.

„The fuck was that for?!"

„Just cuz I wanna."

Madly we looked at each other, arguing once again which ended up in yet another fight. Hanta found us before anything bad could happen and was separating us.

„You can't keep fighting forever!"

Oh of course we could. Suddenly however I felt the electricity crawling through my neck again as I collapsed on the ground and dozed off. To my surprise it looked as if just in that moment even Iva was concerned. As I was able to wake up, I found myself back in that same first spot I awoke. This time Waira was next to me instead, asking me what had happened. Hanta seemed truly upset about me, because I was simply refusing help or any sort of cooperation. Waira however was simply letting me choose.

„Scyaram, You're not in danger here. We're only willing to help you, but we can't if you're not letting us."

„Well, what if I don't want any help?"

„Then you simply have to say that."

It was strange to see how Hanta was rather disagreeing with him, since mostly they seemed like best friends. I only shook my head as a sign that there was no way I'd be willing to explain. Waira simply accepted my choice, heading of with Hanta. And so my days went on. I gained a comfortable new home with a bunch of books in to read. One strange day however, while Waira was on his round checking if everyone was alright, he found me lying on the floor, offering to help me. I refused, yet didn't want him to leave either. Somehow he made the situation strange though by sitting next to me for a while. So with a sigh I started explaining how I didn't want any help. That it had been my choice to destroy my legs so that I'm halfway incapable to walk.

„And your neck?"

„My creator put it on me, it gives me electric shocks and stupidly enough I forgot to take that remote from him while leaving."

A little quiet moment happened after I was struggling to get back on my feet.

„You know, Simulacra could help you with those problems."

„But I don't want to! I'd look like a child that can't take care of himself. Stop worrying, I'm fine."

With a shrug he then left off going back to business as I was slowly walking back home, falling down on the floor. I growled, cursing at my legs.

Fast forward, I couldn't really tell what happened, but I knew it had to do with the humans and we were all stressed out. After moving to a new place where we built up our new home, just as we felt safe, they actually came. I didn't want to loose another home, so I tried my best defending it. Suddenly a huge energy sphere was spreading all around the place, keeping us inside a gigantic bubble. Every human would get a shock if they tried to break through and soon they left, giving it up. Iris came up to me. We had been some sort of friends by now, so she was always pretty concerned about me. As we left off to see where that energy came from we had to see the sad truth as Waira disappeared on the ground next to Hanta, who was devastated. Both me and Iris looked at each other for a moment in sadness. I was aware that he was important to many of us, and now there was no way to ever talk to him again. Same was going for Iva, who suffered immensely of this loss. It was best to describe as her changing from being one of the happiest people to one of the most depressed ones. As I tried to talk to her she almost suffocated me. Luckily Hanta went in between and helped me getting back home. He looked at me, giving me a tissue because I started bleeding from my mouth.

„Don't take it personal. She's just..."

He was sad as well, of course. After a moment of silence and even though my voice was kind of weak from that little attack, I started talking.

„I lost some people too you know..."

He looked at me.

„... and if I could I'd still turn back time to when they were still there, to when it was all fine. I understand her pain, and yours too."

He obviously tried to hide it. Sure he would, he was not the type to act out too emotional, at least not if someone was around him.