Fear to Let Go

Chapter 10

Later that same day, I went to seek up Hanta. Since he didn't seem to have been outside of some sort I suspected he'd still be at Iva's place. It felt strange standing in front of her house like that. Unexpectedly, Iva opened up the door, just looking at me. She wasn't looking well at all, neither did she seem to pay attention to me, just passing by. Almost. I grabbed her wrist.

„Iva, I don't think you should walk around alone. Where's Hanta?"

No response from her, she only weakly tried to pull her arm away. Since I wouldn't let that happen she pushed me away and then ran off. Fast I followed, yet lost her for a moment. However I found her at that one small cliff at the forest. Of course I got quite concerned.

„Iva, come back to me."

Iva only turned around, facing me with her empty stare, taking a step closer to the edge.

„Iva stop-"

„I need him... I need Waira..."

As I looked at her for a moment I took a breath. Her feelings at that moment were very similar to mine when Sasha got taken from me.

„Iva, I know what you want. You want all of this pain to stop, don't you? All of the hurt, you don't want to feel it anymore, I get it. But please, think about who cares about you as well in this life. Think about Hanta. Do you want to put him through the same pain as you? Do you really want to leave him alone?"

Carefully I approached her as she lost a few tears, looking at me. She took a little step back again. So close to the edge.

„I beg you, it's all just going to get worse if you now give up. Don't you want to help people as well? Don't you want to be a medical professional and keep us safe? Isn't that what you've worked for your whole life?"

I stopped a few steps away from her, reaching out my hand towards her.

„Iva, you're not alone, we all are here to help you. Please. Don't give up."

She stared at me, so sad and helpless. After a little silent moment she seemed to be thinking about taking my hand, because she kept looking at it. She smiled while her tears just rolled down her face.

„I'll take your worries from you. I promise."

Even though I reacted fast, she moved back faster and let herself drop down the cliff.

„IVA!!!"

Senpai. She hurt you too. Why do you care so much about her...? Let her die.

As quick as somehow possible I ran down to find her lying there. Worried I tried to somehow help her, yet didn't know how. I tried to wake her by shaking her, even though I knew she wouldn't respond. Some blood was dripping out her mouth. I teared up, taking her in my arms.

„Iva please..."

As I was holding onto her tighter, Simulacra suddenly appeared out of nowhere right in front of us, and I looked up to him, begging him to keep her safe. Without a word, gently he took Iva into his arms, looking at me.

„I will."

A slight smile was on his face as he let out those words, then he left from where he came. With Iva. As I wiped my tears and got up, I tried to figure out how to let Hanta know what just happened. He'd be surely devastated, probably blaming himself. Of course I didn't want that, but lying was not in my nature. He was already looking for her when I was getting back up. Concerned he came up to me.

„Have you seen Iva anywhere around?? Damn it, I swear I only wanted to make her something eatable."

Unhappy I looked at him, to which he responded confused. After closing my eyes for a moment when exhaling, I looked at him again, informing him about what happened. Quite shocked he stared at me, then turned away holding onto his head, cursing and kicking a stone into the forest. With a sad sigh I got with him to Simulacra's place, where Iva was lying in a bed. Hanta got to her fast, taking her hand, quietly apologizing to her that he couldn't be there. Simulacra got to him, holding his hand onto his shoulder.

„The loss of a person is something everyone takes differently. You could have done nothing at all to prevent this. It was her choice."

„I could've held her at home...! I could've-"

„Hanta."

He only stared at Iva, slightly tearing up.

„It happened, unfortunately. There's no use of thinking what you could've done then, but you can be there for her when she wakes up again."

Hanta looked at him, slightly nodding, as Simulacra then looked at me, assuring me the same. A bit uncertain I blinked, looking away.

„I doubt she'd want to have me around, Simulacra. I'll silently hope she will be okay."

After everything that happened between me and her I was truly not too happy to say those words. If only that one event wouldn't have happened. Simulacra, as usual, accepted my choice and I was slowly leaving to the door, as Hanta turned to me.

„Thank you, Scyaram."

Confused I blinked.

„For what?"

„For not giving her up."

I only looked at him for a moment, then slightly smiled and blinked before leaving that place. As I took a breath, my feet brought me to the place me and Iris had the picnic at. I sat down, looking at the sky. So many things happened so suddenly, my head was hurting a little. Hanta was the last person to doubt himself, if anyone should've done that, then me. I was so close to her, yet couldn't do anything at all. Iva. Iris came to me unexpectedly, smiling at me, yet saw I didn't seem very well. It was harder to tell her what had just happened than I thought, but she too, was shocked as she tried to comfort me. Tightly I held onto her hand, which surprised her, yet she enjoyed it, hugging me a bit.

„She'll be okay, I promise."