Fear to Let Go

Chapter 5

I don't remember what happened for quite some time. To me it was simply strange how I could've been able to wake up again. However, I did. Everything had become quite different though. Not to mention, that this house became even more miserable. How long did I stay unconscious? Or more strangely, how was it able that I was alive after what had happened? After looking at myself I discovered some strange body features, which didn't make sense at all. Because I was still dizzy, I couldn't really get up easily, however as fast as somehow possible I was looking into the mirror. While nervously staring at myself I had to make myself understand that I didn't look like a female at all. Why? The only female part that was left of me were my lashes. But I still had my hat, and it was still fitting, luckily. I teared up by the thought of Sasha's death as I rested my head against the mirror. Suddenly he opened the door. My creator. It was a truly weird situation, but still he made me truly upset. Not even letting a word slip through his mouth, he went back downstairs. Madly I followed him. It was all his fault, all his! I was balling my fists and tried to attack him, but he dodged and made me fall, slapping me. Nothing changed. Nothing at all! Very unexpected he put on a metallic ring around my neck, so tightly that it actually hurt and I started coughing.

„What is..-"

I couldn't even finish as this thing suddenly gave me an electric shock and I stayed at the ground, curling up in pain. He gave me a death stare.

„Try to attack me again, and you'll regret it. Your life isn't worth a shit anymore, it used to be when my daughter was still around."

He got down to me.

„Look at you... pitiful. Unbelievable more examples like you exist. You scum should all go to hell."

While coughing I responded.

„I'm already there..."

He kicked me and left outside, locking me in the basement again. This time there was no way for me to escape. Tears ran down my face. Full of aggression I banged against the door and walls, yelling out. But nobody came. Nobody heard me. No one would come to save me anymore. I stared down at my legs.

„Why didn't you do something?! Why didn't you run to that stupid school?!! YOU IDIOT!!!"

Furiously I grabbed a piece of a broken glass and did what I'd later regret. I didn't even feel anything, until a certain point at least. Then I dropped down to the floor, watching my blood flow down slowly on the ground. I was so exhausted, so tired. Somebody save me...
Very late he dragged me out of there, leaving me to rot in the room upstairs. I was so sad that I couldn't even cry anymore. With my eyes only halfway opened I was finding a picture on the floor. With a bit of my strength left I crawled up to it. It belonged to Sasha, a picture of all four of us. My creator, Mishka, Sasha. The only family I ever had. Gentle I let my fingers glide over the picture as I became unconscious again. Seven years. This amount of time he had me trapped in that house still, giving me shocks if I got too aggressive and he felt threatened by me. I wanted to end it all. But it hurt so much, not only physically. Mentally I was simply drained and everything I could hold onto was the hat I had left of her. One evening, as my creator was sleeping through, I remained as quiet as possible to finally take the step and get away from that place. Stupidly though I tripped over and he heard me. As fast as I somehow could I started to run, even with the shocks he gave me, even with the pain in my legs. I couldn't give up now! I kept running until my body simply collapsed. Yet then I still tried to crawl, but it was pointless. The snow was falling down on me quietly. The snow. A single tear left my eyes.

„We.. used to.. create snow angels... you and me... do you remember?"

I turned around on my back so the snow would fall onto me as I closed my eyes.

„We... all... used to.. make snow angels..."

So tired.

„Is he going to be okay?"

„Of course..."

Voices. I couldn't recognize them. Did I start to hallucinate now as well? As I slowly opened my eyes it was all blurry for a moment, but then became clearer again. Next to me, two people I've never seen before. Fast I sat up, hissing but then my legs started to hurt again. Who were they?! One of them was truly big and almost completely black, with horns like fire and eyes just as similar. The other one was white, wearing some black trousers and had red horns. Clearly viruses, but I didn't trust them at all. After meeting Iva and the strange fight we had, I was not sure if I could ever trust anybody again. The big virus introduced himself as „Simulacra". Even though he assured me that there was nothing to fear, I wouldn't quite believe him as soon, he left me alone with the other one. He seemed to find this situation quite awkward. Suddenly I noticed how my hat was missing, which that guy held up. Madly I tried to grab it but failed, falling down on my knees. Those stupid legs, they were never good enough for anything! He tried to compromise with me, he even made me tell my name, but all I wanted was my hat! So I made him fall and crawled up to him, biting his hand so he'd give it back as I clutched onto it tightly, hissing at him. As Simulacra came back he was making it clear that we should not fight. But I was scared, not trusting either of them. However after a while, that guy apologized.

„I'm Hanta by the way."

I only looked at him for a moment, then took his hand that he offered me.