The Rockstar Chronicles

Breathe

“You’re sorry?” I echoed. A funny buzzing feeling was coming over me. I hadn’t expected Ryder to apologize for kissing me.

“Yeah,” he said, making a face. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I just… You looked so pretty. And older.”

His words stung. I stared at him. I couldn’t move. So this is what it feels like to have your heart broken, I thought. From the corner of my eye, I saw Tom watching us with an embarrassed look on his face.

“I just don’t want to hurt you,” Ryder said. “I care about you too much.”

Too late, I thought as Tom rolled his eyes. He caught my gaze and his sympathetic expression hurt more than anything else.

“Okay,” I took a deep breath, willing my hands not to shake.

Ryder stared at me, confused. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. I may not have much, but I had my pride. Ryder Rhodes was not going to see how badly he had hurt me. I decided then and there that he would never know.

“Okay,” Ryder said. For a moment I thought I saw a spark of regret in his beautiful eyes, but then I forced myself to look away. No more fooling myself, I thought. If he wanted to be with me, he could.

“It’s not that I don’t like you, Lindy,” Ryder added hurriedly.

I started to reply, to say something smart, but Grady interrupted us.

“I thought you didn’t want this,” Grady said at my elbow as he reached around me, grabbing a sports drink.

“What do you care?” I turned away from Ryder to face my brother. Perfect timing, I thought. Now I can take everything out on you.

“Uh, let’s see, I don’t,” Grady’s face shone with sweat and it dripped from his hair. Disgusting.

“Did you enjoy your little performance?” he asked as he opened the bottle.

I stared at him blankly. “I guess so?” I had loved it, I wanted to say, but something stopped me.

“Well, you better get used to it. Mom offered you up to the wolves last night.”

I opened my mouth, ready to make a cutting remark, but then I paused, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Why didn’t you play along? Gaw, Lindy! Sometimes you can be so stupid!” He gestured wildly, spilling his drink as he spoke. ““You really messed everything up for yourself. You know that, right? You’re done for now. Mark my words.”

“Done for?” I felt addled. My brain couldn’t keep up with everything. I suddenly just wanted to be home in bed.

“Your mother got you an audition to be a backup dancer at the meeting last night,” Ryder said.

“Didn’t you know?” Tom asked.

I shook my head slowly.

Grady shook his head. “I tried to save you, Lindy. You should have just played along.”

“I thought you were being mean! I thought you wanted it all for yourself!” I said.

Grady raised his eyebrows. “Why would I do that?”

I shrugged.

“That’s really what you think of me?” he laughed shortly. “After all these years? When have I ever treated you like that?”

“Never,” I whispered. Grady wasn’t a perfect brother by any means, but he had never been outright cruel. In front of others, anyway.

“But I don’t want…,” my voice trailed off. To be perfectly honest, so much had happened that I didn’t know what I wanted. All I felt was a deep sense of betrayal. From everyone.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered as Ryder and Tom exchanged glances and by unspoken agreement walked away, leaving me and my brother alone.

Grady refused to meet my gaze, focusing on the blank space of wall above my head instead. “I tried to,” he said finally.

He glanced at Mom as she walked towards us, smiling brightly. “But would it really have made any difference?”