Mr. Beauty Queen And Me

Do Over

Caroline made the wise decision to not attempt to talk to me again and didn't breathe a word to our mom about my absence last night. I stayed locked in my room the rest of Sunday, catching up on schoolwork that I had been neglecting the last few days. If anything, Jake's rejection was a needed reality check that finally got my head out of the clouds. I was in fact not living in a real life fantasy and the half filled out college applications were still waiting to be completed.

After sending a few messages to my friends to reassure them I was okay, I put my phone on silent and delved into my work.  At 11pm, I shut my books and computer, satisfied with how much I had gotten done. All of my assignments for the week were finished and saved on to my drive, ready to be printed and I completed two of my college applications.

I started my nighttime routine of getting ready for bed. With no more numbers to calculate, verbs to conjugate, or sentences to write, my mind was able to wander for the first since this morning. As I brushed my teeth, I considered the idea of seeing Jake tomorrow at school. The thought alone made me nauseous. I didn't want anything to do with him. What if he told all of his friends what happened? It's not like many of them knew who I was, but gossip would spread and the humiliating fact that I thought Jake Ridel could actually be interested in me would be devastating. Then on top of that mess, it would also come out that he only used me to get to my sister.

I would be completely and totally mortified, maybe enough to decide that online schooling would be better than having to ever go back to Mountain Brook High. A little dramatic but the alternative was dizzying and vomit worthy. As if I hadn't already done enough of that in the last 24 hours.

When I finished putting on my pajamas, I crawled into bed, suddenly exhausted. Unfortunately not tired enough to allow sleep to take me as soon as my head hit the pillow. Instead, I decided to torment myself with what I hadn't allowed myself to consider since it happened: how much my recently growing self-confidence was just blown up in my face. How quickly everything I built up in myself had come crashing down. For a little bit of time, I hadn't felt like the invisible middle sister or "plain Jane," I felt like somebody. Now, all I wanted to do was crawl back into my own skin and never come out.

For the next hour, I fitfully tossed and turned, hoping for sleep to take over. After what felt like eternity, my brain surrendered and I fell asleep.

...

I dragged my feet the entire time I got ready for school the next morning. I was hoping that just maybe if I moved slow enough I wouldn't have to go. Instead, I could go crawl back into bed and hide under the covers for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, with an important review session happening in Calculus today, I couldn't bring myself to take a sick day.

I settled with putting on my most comfortable pair of jeans, a soft light purple sweater, and my favorite pair of beat up Converse. My hair returned to its usual ponytail and I placed my glasses on my nose. I hoped that I would once again blend into the background.

I had debated whether I would text one of my friends to come pick me up so I wouldn't have to ride with Caroline to school. Remembering the miserable look on Caroline's face this morning as we ate breakfast suggested she may actually shed tears if I refused to drive with her, so I sucked up my pride and descended the stairs at our scheduled departure time.

Caroline's blue eyes widened when she saw me descend the stairs as if she couldn't believe I was silently agreeing to go with her. Not wanting me to second guess my decision, she didn't stare at me too long before leaving the house to get into the car. We rode in complete silence. Both of our eyes stayed trained on the rode ahead of us. Caroline tried to ease the tension by turning up the radio so some pop song filled the void, but it only amplified the quiet between us. When she parked, I could see my sister's lips twitching as she tried to find the right thing to say.