Walk With Me

25. False Hope

"Hey!" a voice shouts from behind me, causing me to jump out of my heated thoughts. Thoughts that seem to be manifesting much more frequently lately.

I turn around to see my brother and Lacy setting down a few bags on the kitchen counter before walking my way. I slowly stand, joining the two of them. I reach for Lacy first, giving her a hug.

"Hey," I reply. "Thank you so much for doing this."

Lacy agreed to paint a mural on Mia's bedroom wall. I wanted something to make this home special, something different from New York yet all hers. Vince would have never gone for a creatively painted wall. Things had to match and stay orderly throughout the entire home. Everything in its place and structured just enough to portray perfection. I don't want perfect anymore. I want to welcome the disarray and messy makings of a home that's well lived in. I want her room to reflect the simple joys of a young imagination and joy, not muted colors made for a magazine shoot.

"Are you kidding?" Lacy laughs. "I get to paint an entire wall. You just made my weekend."

"You say that now," I begin. "Just wait until you hear what Mia has planned," I warn her, knowing the elaborate design Mia seems to have dreamt up.

"I can't wait," she beams before shifting her eyes out to the yard. The look in her eyes changes as she looks back at my brother. "I thought Tommy was gone this weekend."

"He is," Trevor responds, craning his head to see what she's looking at.

I follow her eyes to see Mia rubbing Stella's belly. I smile again at the look on Mia's face. "He is out of town," I repeat. "We're watching Stella for him."

Lacy's eyes quickly shoot to mine, a knowing and way too wicked smile now forming on her face. I shake my head, "We're just watching the dog."

"Uh huh," she smiles. "Just keep telling yourself that," she shouts from the doorway as she makes her way out to the yard.

I look back at my brother now as I begin to pull out the food they picked up on their way over. "Thank you for getting dinner," I say, trying to ignore Lacy's insinuation a moment ago.

"Yeah, no problem," he responds, taking a seat at the counter. I can feel his eyes on me, but I'm doing my best to ignore them. I know his wheels are spinning right now, but I don't know that I'm ready to discuss everything that's been developing.

"So," he speaks up.  I know what's coming, so I mentally begin to prepare myself. "I have to ask, more because Lacy has been driving me crazy trying to convince me of things, but you and Tommy..."

"We're friends," I interrupt him, suddenly very nervous about where this is going. My instinct was to cover it up, but letting the word friends fall from my mouth when referring to Tommy doesn't feel right anymore. "For now," I add, slowly lifting my eyes to meet his, to gauge his reaction. This is the closest I have ever gotten to admitting that there is more there, more developing. At least, I've never truly admitted it to anyone else. I hinted at it with the girls, but this is more than that. This is stating that it is in fact leading somewhere.

He takes a breath, nodding his head before speaking. "Look, I know you're not asking, nor do you actually need my permission, but you seem happy, Amber. I haven't seen your real smile in a long time. And if Tommy has even the smallest ounce of being part of the reason for that, then I'm good with it. I just want you to have the story you deserve. You know that, right?"

I smile at his observations of my mood lately. "I have been happy."

I let that smile remain for a second as I think about everything that has changed for me over the last few months. I bring my eyes back to Trevor's, taking a small breath. "Part of that is because I'm actually doing it. I moved out here with a few essential items, left everything else behind, and now look," I gesture to the place around me. "We have our own place. And I did that, without a cent from him." Trevor smiles now, acknowledging what I've accomplished so far. "When I first left, I didn't know what would actually happen. If Mia and I could make it work without him. I've relied on him for so long, for everything. And when you do that, when you let someone control every aspect of your life, sometimes you forget how to live."