Come Back With Me

He Dreams of Her

Bucky can't take it anymore and runs out the back door. He is glad he hears no one pursuing him because he needs to be alone right now.

He walks into the trees and finds the axe he uses to cut fire wood and begins taking swings at everything in his vicinity. Eventually, he drops the axe and begins to punch the trees with his fist.

He eventually tires out so he sinks to the ground and screams. He doesn't know how long he screams but he knows when he's done, his voice is almost gone.

He hunches over until his forehead is pressed to the dirt and lets sobs rack his body.

The thing he hates most in the world took the thing he loves most in the world.

His Ellie is dead. His wife, the love of his life, the mother of his children is dead.

When his tears stop he flips to his back and watches as the sky turns black. He feels the numbness take over and lets the cold from the ground leech into his skin.

He knows he'll never feel warm again anyways because she was his warmth.

He briefly considers just ending it all so he doesn't have to deal with the pain of her loss but he immediately dismisses the thought. There are two very good reasons for him needing to go on.

Once he starts thinking about his babies, the more he needs to see them.

He walks into Steve and Peggy's house feeling like a zombie.

When he enters the living room, he notices Peggy sitting on the couch with Steve's head on her lap and he is fast asleep. He wishes he could sleep, he's exhausted but he's scared of the nightmares. Maybe he'll get lucky and have a good dream of her. However, he also knows that will make waking up that much worse.

He can see the dried tear marks that run down Steve's face.

He turns away from the couple and turns towards the three infants playing on the floor.

When JJ and Steven see Bucky they leave Sarah and begin crawling towards him. When they're a few feet away he drops to his knees and scoops them into his arms.

He begins crying again. He thought he was cried out but seeing his sons, her sons, makes everything all the more real.

Steven tilts his head and his little brow scrunches together. He reaches up and tries to wipe away Bucky's tears just like Lizzie does, did, with them.

"No, Dada," Steven says.

He looks at Steven and he sees so much of Lizzie in him that it brings forward a new set of tears.

JJ was getting tears in his eyes watching Bucky crying.

"No cry, Dada," JJ says.

They haven't spoken any words yet other than mama and dada. The fact that JJ actually is communicating would usually send him into a panic attack because of how advanced they are but it just comforts him. In that moment, he realizes how special his boys are. They always credited their advancement to him because of the super soldiers serum but maybe some of it comes from Lizzie as well. A mix of his physical abilities and her mental abilities.

He pulls them in closer and places his lips on the crown of Steven's blond head. He scoops both of them up in his arms and stands up. He turns towards the door to take them home.

"Barnes, you should stay the night. The boys have a room here and the guest room is yours. You shouldn't be alone tonight. You should be with family," she whispers quietly so she doesn't wake Steve.

Peggy and Bucky's relationship has always been the weakest amongst the four of them. The thing they mainly have in common is the people they love. To hear Peggy call him family means so much to him.