Love & Ruins (#2)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Evan

Empathy could vary from selflessness to downright foolishness if you're not careful.

I don't know what came over me when I told Maggie to stay at my apartment after I promised to keep her at a distance.

I've let my stupid emotions dictate my decisions again. When she told me what she experienced with her father, I couldn't help it as my concern for her got the better of me. Yes, it could be argued that you can't play Superman because you can't save everyone around you.

But it was either that or I had to witness Maggie go back to staying at a hotel which... I couldn't stomach how she had to go through all that trouble just to stay away from her father.

He was the one who plucked Maggie from the peaceful life she once had, and he can't even return the stability he stole from her? Not only that, but how is he able to live with himself knowing he's conspiring against Maggie with her boyfriend to make sure she lives on his terms?

I get that he's threatened by me and thinks I'm not a good influence, but Jesus Christ, is she some sort of child that needs to be given rules and timeouts?

I know I don't have the right, at least not anymore, to be this concerned about Maggie's well-being. She's my ex, she's a part of my past, and we just so happened to cross paths again.

She's already in a relationship but what's the use of being in one when her partner is more loyal to her father than he is to her? He might as well date the old man while he's at it.

I know it's not my business to care when caring about another person this much makes you too involved, even though she'll be living in my apartment, it's not as if I can let our relationship progress past being just roommates. Yes, even though I don't wish to gain anything out of offering her a place to live, I can't deny that I still feel something whenever she's around.

That soul-crushing sensation of my heart cannibalizing itself when she stares at me as if I'm the only person in this world she can allow herself to fall back on and trust that I'd be there to catch her, and knowing, deep in my fucking heart...

She's right.

That I'll jump at any chance to scrape my knees and soften her landing when she finds herself slipping and I'll be there with open arms, ready to save the day.

But if I continue to cushion Maggie when she falls, who's going to be the one catching me right back up when I need it?

I can't be honest with her and tell her even after all this time, I still have feelings for her. I just offered her to live with me, I can't corner her in a room and suddenly confess my profound feelings unless I want a restraining order.

Even admitting that to myself feels... wrong. It feels incredibly wrong because it feels as though I'm withholding information she has every right to know. As if I'm lying by omission.

However, I'm aware that neither of us is going to benefit from me telling the truth because it's only going to hold us back; hold her back from having any healthy relationship aside from the one she's had with me, and vice versa.

Even if this delusional voice at the back of my head tells me that it's only going to be me that'll treat her right, one way or another I have to give myself a reality check. I could go through hell and back being there for her, but the circumstances we're in right now are not going to allow either of us to revive our relationship.

So I have to control myself. The urge to reach out, hold her, and never let her go, to use myself as some sort of shield to protect her from any danger ahead, not only as a comrade helping his companion on the battlefield but also as a knight fortifying the damsel he's sworn to protect.