despise - negan x reader

chapter xi - home

i back away from the table and pull my mask down, it's been a while since my last surgery and that felt like a high.

operating room high, it's a rare come by these days.

the door bursts open, "this sterile enough now," negan growls.

"yea, just stay away from him. since you know, you're dirty and all."

"you're going to fucking regret this."

"saving a little boy's life? no, i don't think i will."

"the system is like it is for a reason, y/n. this is survival, not fucking grey's anatomy."

"wow, i'm impressed by your extensive tv knowledge. let's leave the room, you can yell at me out there," i say pulling my mask and gloves off. i squirt some hand sanitizer on my hands as i follow him out.

"all you people," he starts his rant, "all you goddamn people can't listen to shit i say! i'm trying to save your asses here, and you just- you run off in the middle of the night?! dear god, why can't you people listen?"

"was i just supposed to tell his mother i couldn't save him when i could?"

"yes, y/n, yes you were. she didn't have points. and now all those people are going to come to you for this shit and then we'll run out of supplies and then there will be more dead people. y/n, did you at least think before you did this? what the hell do you think is going to happen now-"

"calm down before your blood pressure gets too high and i have another patient," i cut him off, "and you can't say shit about me saving him when you're wives get free care. they don't do jack shit and i have to take care of them. so yea, i did think. i thought how that boy deserved to live and his mother deserved to watch her child grow up. this is how it works, we're in an apocalypse for god sake. we have to take care of each other or we'll all be walkers. don't you get that?"

"y/n, i get what you're saying but supplies aren't endless. we have to pick and choose-"

"so i was supposed to pick your wives over a little boy? hell. fucking. no. screw you," i say turning back around to check on luke.

negan grabs my arm, "not so fast, doctor, i'm not fucking finished."

"of course you aren't," i mumble.

"you directly disobeyed my orders. you snuck out, you took a truck, you knocked out a guard, then you aimed a gun at your own people. that's badass but that's like five rules you broke, and now i gotta think of what to do with you."

"well, how about i go make sure the kid isn't dying, then you can kill me or whatever."

he releases my arm with a smile. bipolar ass.

karina is by luke's side, i don't know if i'm going to make it out of here so i've got to give her the post-op instructions. "karina, take these," i hand her a bottle of pills, "he needs to take these every day twice a day for a week. you need to change his bandage twice a day and put ointment on as well. for three days or so he needs to be on bed rest. i'll try and secure you both a place here, talk to enid if you have any medical questions, and talk to rick if you have any other questions," i say giving her multiple bandages and some ointment.

"thank you," she says as she watches her son. "thank you so much."

"of course," i say before turning away and leaving the room. i pull the scrub cap off and let my hair down before turning to face negan again.

"what?" i say as i notice him staring.

"i know what you're punishment is going to be," he says with a smile.

"what twisted thing has that fucked up brain of yours thought up now?"

"you're my wife now, no fighting it. oh and you're going to tell all your favorite residents here the happy news," he says as he throws his arm around my shoulder.

"fine, as long as you let karina and luke stay here. and i still get to be a doctor. oh and i still have my children."

"you still think you have a choice, oh baby, you are in for a hell of an awakening."

"the children are not up for debate, they're mine."

"well of course, that's just common human decency," he says mockingly. "as for you're job and the hell her name is, i will make my decision later. we've got enough on our plates now, baby. and i am ready to fucking dig in."

i roll my eyes as we step out of the clinic, pretty much everyone is outside waiting.

"well, tell 'em, babe."

i pause before saying, "i'm his wife now."

"a little more enthusiasm would have been appreciated but you got the job done," he smiles triumphantly as i place my head in my palms.

"are you serious? she did all that and she gets away with just being you're wife? you burnt my fucking face off!" dwight complains.

"are you hot and have a vagina?" dwight doesn't answer, "didn't fucking think so. and dwight," he says as we pass him, "you ever speak to me like that again, and i'll burn the rest of your grimy little face off."

rick and carl look on in shock, when i make eye contact with them all i see is anger and disappointment. 'i'm sorry' i mouth as we pass.

"let's go get our kids, wife," negan says happily.

"they aren't yours."

"watch it now, that tone isn't going to do. they are mine too, i'm keeping them alive, aren't i?"

yea, maybe by fucking proxy. "i guess."

"that's my girl," he kisses my head. i'd pull away and slap him if i didn't know he'd kill me.

mason, of course, runs to negan as enid hands me mila. she eyes negan, then glances back at me, as if asking me if i'm okay. 'i'm fine' i mouth not wanting to draw attention to myself. once i have our stuff he tells me to go get in the truck, i obey so i don't get myself in deeper.

when i have the kids strapped in - yes he remembered to bring mason's car seat, how fatherlike of him - i play with mason.

the sun has risen now. "okay, you won bud," i say as negan climbs in the truck. he smiles at all of us, and for a second i forget i hate him. it's peaceful in those few seconds, like it should be.

it ends when he catches me staring, "like what you see, darlin'?" i look away, "aw now, nothin' to be ashamed of."

"shut up," i mumble.

"where we going?" mason asks from the back seat.

"we're going home, buddy," negan says as he puts his sunglasses on and cranks the truck up.