I Hate Football Players 3 | 18+

Chapter 38: Ellie

My eyes dragged upwards until they met his, which were full of unreadable emotions. I took in a deep breath, then started slowly. My words choked with emotion and came out in nearly inaudible confessions.

"I wuh-was weak... b-broken." My lower lip trembled violently but I squeezed my eyes shut and used every ounce of strength I knew wasn't there when I admitted, "And, even today, part of me still is. I mean, look at me. I bolted at the first sign when you apologized, then opened up about how you feel."

"No Ellie," he said softly but firmly. "You were stronger than you think. You thought you were saving me from your drowning. Because your heart is so fucking big, you tried to spare me."

I had no answer for him whatsoever, because no part of me was ready to believe his words were true. So I just stared, unblinking at him like I still hadn't accepted how he was really here, let alone forgave me, and even further, understood me. Even through the blurriness of my tears, he sat here, right in front of me, and looked at me like no one else in the world mattered.

He can't be that kind, that forgiving.

Before I answered, he continued softly, "You were wrong though, Ellie."

I must have looked at him like he'd grown another head because a spark of recognition flashed in his eyes. Right when my lips parted in protest, he only needed one shake of his head and froze my intentions.

"You were wrong years ago and that look of doubt you're giving me now is wrong," he said with the crushing weight of years of emotion, pain interlaced with sadness, threaded in his voice. "Years ago, breaking up with me really fucking hurt. Seeing you upset hurt too, but nowhere near as much as me not being with you."

"I - oh... what?" My eyes flipped open at his candid words, which paralleled his brutal honesty that I not only expected but respected him for.

His words sunk deeply inside me, like weighted stones that dropped through my well of negative emotions until they were completely submerged. All this time, I thought I'd spared Logan's feelings but instead, I'd hurt him further. The realization pinched my heart with guilt.

I thought cutting him off was best for him.

How could I have been so wrong?

"Before you start to feel guilty about that..." His lips twitched into a soft, knowing smile. "Do I get a say in this? Because my answer is still no more leaving. Stay and work things out."

Since I knew my newly displaced emotions were all over the place, I just nodded silently. His hands lifted again and reached out in slow motion like he was uncertain of my reaction. I only sat still but tensed slightly when the warmth of his hands wrapped around my jawline again. The familiar way he held me and the warm affection behind his eyes blurred under a welt of fresh tears within mine.

"I know you think you're different Ellie, but so much of you hasn't changed," he started in a low voice. "I've seen it. You're not afraid to chew someone out. You're smart, hardworking, and quietly, stubbornly independent. You stick up for your friends, even if it means going against their own faults. You love through your actions and anyone who falls within your small circle of who you allow to be important to you is really fucking lucky."

With soft, gentle strokes from the pads of his thumbs, he cleared away my tears. My breath turned shaky, almost ragged, and my heart pulsed wildly within my chest at how his gaze never wavered. His strength was contagious and pounded realization after realization into me.

When we first dated, I wasn't confident about myself within our relationship. I had a few moments, experience turning down guys' advances, but generally wasn't outspoken or overly affectionate with him. But Logan's unconditional support and his acceptance without judgement had encouraged and fueled my confidence forward.