"a whole ass angel," i declared. "the world does not deserve you, billie eilish."
she giggled. "you don't think so?"
i turned so that i was laying on my back now. i made grabby hands for her, then pulled her so that she was laying on top of me. i c...
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jasrya
"jas, come on," west sighed. "you've gotta get out of bed."
"i don't wanna."
"laying in bed isn't going to help anything," he told me. "you've gotta get up and do shit."
"no."
"at least turn your music off. this is, like, your fifteenth time listening to 'i wanna be your girlfriend' by girl in red. in a row," he pointed out. "honestly, i liked it better when you were listening to olivia rodrigo on repeat."
"i don't give a shit what you prefer. this is my heartbreak, not your's."
he let out a sigh. "have you tried texting her or calling her?"
"her number is deactivated."
"what about instagram or snapchat?" he asked.
"all left on delivered."
"damn," he mumbled. "i mean... at least you weren't actually dating her..? it'd be worse if y'all were."
"i wanted to date her though. i... i still do, i mean. i really fucking like her, west," i mumbled, then bit my lip. "no, i love her. i-i definitely love her."
"well, you know where she went right? back to where she used to live; so just go get her, dude."
"she's..." i thought for a moment, then furrowed my brows. "she never told me where she used to live. ever. i mean, she didn't really like talking about it. she wasn't happy there."
i let out a sigh. "i hate that she had to go back. so much. i also hate the fact that she's ghosted me. if she ended up living across the damn world, we still could've made something work."
"well, long distance hurts, you know?" he said softly. "maybe she just can't go through that."
"okay, but she still didn't have to fucking ghost me." i grumbled as i turned to face away from his. i pulled my blanket over my head. "now, fuck off. i'm tired of talking about it; i just wanna cry in peace."
"no, get up, jas. ken, seb, you, and me are gonna go to a party, alright? you needa get out of the house and get your mind off of the whole situation."
i let out a small huffed. "i don't wanna."
"too bad; i'm not gonna let you just drown in your sadness all day." he told me as he pulled my blanket off of me.
"fuck, fine," i rolled my eyes. "give me damn gucci belt back though so that i can wear it. i ordered a new pair of jeans that fit in length, but not in the waist, and i don't feel like having to return them."
"alright," he chuckled. "lemme go get it."
"and give me new hat back while you're at it!"
☁️
"aye, don't even sweat it, you're gonna have fun." kenya tried to assure me as she drove me, seb, and west to the party.
"whatever." i muttered.
she sighed as she reached over to rub my shoulder. "it'll be alright, jas. you know what? you don't even need her."
"you just said two days ago that we 'need to be together.' make up your damn mind." i rolled my eyes as i shook her hand off of my shoulder.
a while later, we got to the party. we walked to the kitchen. i watched as ken got a drink, while she talked to seb and west. i didn't really say anything or even listen. i just leaned against the counter as they all talked.
i don't wanna be here.
at one point, i grabbed me a cup as well, and drank a cup of tequila. after i did, i tossed the red solo cup in the trash and walked around the house. i told west, seb, and ken that i'd be back in a bit.
i was going to go outside to get away from the loud music and most of the people that were here. on the way though, somebody bumped into me and spilled their drink all over the hoodie that i was wearing.
"aye, watch where you're fucking going." i spat at the taller guy.
"chill out, it's not that big of a deal." he rolled his eyes before walking off.
this is billie's hoodie.
usually, it wouldn't be a big deal, but this is the only hoodie of her's that i have that still smells like her.
"fucking bitch." i muttered as i slipped the hoodie off and held it on my arm.
"hey, i saw what happened? are you okay?" i heard somebody ask.
i turned to see that it was some girl. i had turned to quickly though, which made my head pound a little bit.
maybe west was right about me being a lightweight.
"yeah, i'm fine." i waved her off.
she placed her hand on my arm, then furrowed her brows. "sheesh, you're tense. maybe i could help?" she offered in a suggestive tone.
i stared at her for a moment, considering it.
she's honestly pretty fine.
"yeah, sure." i mumbled.
she smirked before moving her hand down to grab my hand. she lead me away, pulling me into an empty bedroom. she immediately pressed her lips to mine after shutting and locking the door.
i kissed back as she lead me to the bed, not once breaking the kiss. she leaned me back on the bed, hovering over me.
after a few minutes, i felt her hands drift down to start unbuckling my belt. i furrowed my brows a bit as i pulled back from the kiss. "i can't do this, i'm sorry."
she looked at me in disbelief. "seriously?"
"yeah."
she scoffed as she stood up. "then why even agree in the first place?" i heard her mumble before walking out of the room.
i let out a sigh as i reached my hands up to drag them down my face. i could hear 'i wanna be yours' by arctic monkeys playing in the background.
