I Hate Football Players 3 | 18+

Chapter 37: Ellie

"One word and I'll go punch his pretty boy face." Wes' quiet, even tone sounded more like a promise than an offer. On any other night or towards any other guy I would've appreciated it but tonight all the blame rightfully sat on my shoulders.

"Then you should punch me," I admitted in a husky whisper. "It's my fault. I'm the one who should have apologized to him and I... didn't."

Understatement of the year there, Ellie.

If he didn't hate me before then he definitely deserves to now.

Tears beaded up in my eyes, blurred my surroundings, and put a rasp in my whispered admission, "I'm the asshole."

A warm up and steam curls passed in front of my face. I looked up and saw Charlie's concerned face. "I think you're being a bit hard on yourself, Ellie... And not giving Logan enough credit."

I closed my eyes for a moment, then pursed my lips and blew over the cup of tea.

How can I explain this?

Under the NDA agreement, I was explicitly restricted against mentioning any possible detail that traced back to Ryder personally or professionally. None of me cared about the money involved, only the stipulations that said Jake, Logan, and I weren't incriminated by his lawsuit-happy parents in return for all of our silence.

Charlie and Wes knew I'd been sexually assaulted in high school and nothing more than I wasn't allowed to talk about it.

Scratch that. Charlie and Wes knew that 'some guy had tried to take advantage of me at some point in time' before I came to UW.

They also knew that I was a magnet for unwanted attention from guys at parties and one bad experience our freshman year was enough before they realized that parties, alcohol-impaired judgments, and I didn't mix so well.

None of that matters now. I need to figure out how to apologize to Logan without freaking out.

The word 'apologize' resonated over and over in my mind until I set down the cup of tea on Charlie's coffee table, leaned my chest over my thighs, gripped both of my hands into my hair, and tried to make myself as small as possible. The same thoughts from the hallway ran through my head and I groaned.

What the hell is wrong with me?

He was open and forward with his feelings, I was supposed to apologize, and I just... shut him out again.

"Ellie?" Charlie's voice softly fell onto my ears, then a gentle presence brushed over the top of my head. After a few strokes, I realized she petted me like a dog, so I sat up straighter and looked sideways at them.

"It's my fault. H-he apologized first," I admitted words that probably made zero sense to them, but my conversation with Logan proved I was beyond sensible and in control of my emotions right now. "I owed him an apology but I fucked up, got overwhelmed, and walked out."

"So..." Wes stared at me without a blink and lifted one of his large hands towards the door. "Just walk back. It's only four doors down."

"Wes!" Charlie swatted one palm in the air between them, then turned back to me. "Don't listen to him Ellie. You can stay here as long as you need to but..."

I had no response because I already knew what she hadn't said, what I needed to do, and what Logan deserved. Anyone in this situation would have known without the words being said but Charlie's heart proved its large size because she said them.

"...But you need to go back and work this out," she finished in a quiet voice. "Not for his sake, but yours."

My cheeks tickled with the hot tears that trailed down them. I had no words, only squeezed my eyes shut and slipped back into my own inner thoughts.