I Hate Football Players 3 | 18+

Chapter 36: Ellie

"There's actually a lot of things I haven't said, I'm sorry." I rolled my lower lip under and studied his expression for a reaction. He remained impassive, just looked at me like he wanted me to continue.

"I'm not sure where to start," I admitted sadly as a welt of emotions lodged itself into the back of my throat.

"These things you want to say..." He set down his fork and leaned back slightly in his seat. With slightly furrowed brows, he asked, "Have you wanted to say them since you got here, or... sooner?"

"Both," I pushed out my answer in a husky whisper. "But seeing you again, here, definitely brought back a lot of emotional baggage that I've ignored for... years."

Logan's eyes dropped to my nearly full but abandoned plate, then he pushed his chair back, stood up, and offered me a hand. Under the impression that we moved our talk to the living room, I placed my hand in his and stood up. I took one step towards the couch but his arm tugged me back. Right as I turned towards him, he bent down and wrapped his arms around me.

"I know this hasn't been easy," he murmured over my shoulder as his hands circled around me and enclosed my lower back. "Seeing me again, I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out."

My spine went from stiff to relaxed in about two seconds and I melted into his familiar embrace. His warmth, his scent, and his strength caged around me and I nestled my cheek into the soft material of his T-shirt.

His chest heaved with a long, slowly released sigh. He stood so close that I swore I heard his heartbeat, then realized it was mine. But then, like he'd slightly changed his mind, he stepped back and put some breathing space between us.

"I was so stupid, Ellie." One of his hands reached out and gently stroked the back of his knuckles over my cheek. "I'm sorry I fucked up, years ago. And if me being here reminds you of that again, I'm sorry for that too."

His honest, straight to the point, and completely unexpected words unraveled my thoughts and his touch weakened my knees.

He's... the one who's sorry!? Why?

My mind traveled through the possibilities of what he meant, what he felt sorry for. Harper was right in how I'd forgiven her and Jake, mostly, but not Logan. While I now acknowledged that he'd shared similar concerns for my well-being, how he'd gone behind my back and tried to set up and incriminate Ryder were... irritating at best.

All I'd wanted was my assault experience dissolved away into the past but he'd brought it all out in the open when he scheduled us a non-coincidental visit at Ryder's school, UC-Davis. While he couldn't have anticipated how my brother beat the shit out of Ryder, then my parents' overreaction in how they treated me like I was fourteen and had just been assaulted, plus the legal drama that followed, Logan was the unnecessary catalyst of the entire shit-show.

The reminder of this flared annoyance inside me and derailed me off my original intent for this conversation. Like an oncoming, unavoidable accident that I just watched, all of my previous thoughts of apologizing evaporated in the kerosene of anger that he'd just doused on me.

"You fucked up?" I frowned, stepped back from the warmth of his arms, and hoped a few inches of space between us cut the tension that now charged the air in the apartment space. "It took you almost three years and no contact to come to that conclusion? What exactly are you expecting here, Logan? Do you care at all about my feelings?"

"Your feelings are why I didn't contact you," he mumbled like he gave a confession, but his eyes never left mine. "I wanted to call you every day. But you asked me not to, and if anything, I wanted to be respectful of what you wanted."