Drugstore Perfume [Poetry]

is it nihilism or just plain suicidal thoughts

is it nihilism or just plain suicidal thoughts

june5twenty21

(a/n: tw described by the title)

it's like looking back on rock-collecting and finding all these holes in your pockets. the joy was all manufactured and short-lived, the iphone that is only designed to last a few years before falling inferior, a new language you cannot speak because of isolation. you don't remember the sun being this big and bright. you don't remember the way it caressed you, either.

god I wish I were gone. dust collecting on a mantle. specks of sand lost in the ocean. such small things do not have to worry. such small things are so small that they need no place in any bigger picture. I wonder if I would get to see him, before or otherwise. probably not. it doesn't matter anyway, though.

it all feels too big and too dark, and I cannot describe it properly. it's a hearing not listening problem. these big looming towers look brand new but the construction's been happening for years, the projected completed appearance on smaller posters taped to chain-link fences. desolate.

the world is not able to be mended. this is common knowledge. you keep it away from your heart, though, don't you? you think it's easier that way. you'd be right. not every cause needs a martyr. not every seashell gets collected. civilization will burn down and start over and none of this will ever matter again. none of this pain will ever amount to anything. aren't you angry?

aren't you angry at the ticking time bomb we all live inside? do you seethe at the way it's decorated like a home? the way that it wouldn't even matter if you or I dropped dead right now because a lifetime is so insignificant?

and even if there is any meaning, it's all fraught with pain and suffering, because the world we've built is completely unsustainable.

we're all dying and it doesn't even matter. it's beautiful and tragic but it doesn't even matter.