Drugstore Perfume [Poetry]

waste control

waste control

february27twenty21

are you angry yet? those whiskey flames at the back of my throat, the way it feels just like choking. my own anger has punched too many holes in me. we're draining fast.

but we saw it just in time. unfortunately, it's not as easy as some tape and time. I'm going to disappoint everyone. including myself. but I think it needs to happen.

there must be some form of existence between person and ghost. I've felt you too often and felt it too dead. it's pretty concerning that it may be too late for you already. but I accepted powerlessness long ago - perhaps that was a mistake. to embrace it with such open arms... no, it wasn't the best choice. but it was the only one I had.

and of course nothing ever goes to plan but control is ironically such a stranger to me, I've been compensating this whole time with nitpicked sentences. how have I remained afloat? how much longer do I have until I drown?

what is it about this cursed world and the way it forces fate down your throat? I wanna throw up so bad. I was just a kid. we were just kids. when will we get to the playground without all this fucking baggage? I used to swing and climb up on top of the monkey bars. nobody could reach me there.

but reclamation is... terrifying. it's funny how I've felt so alone this whole time that I could never pinpoint those overarching themes. they told me I was good at it, too. I have an entire lifetime to prove it. it's time to throw all of it out, all of these papers are moldy.

so many thoughts just wander about silently shaping your existence. wordless prayers that he will be okay, oh god I hope he'll be okay. songs of self destruction. boundaries you are unable to cross. restrict until you're something unrecognizable, until you're more palatable. that's the li(f)e!

they want me to take time to decide but I'm already so far gone, I'm impulsive but decisive. guess that's why everything came out the way it did. feeling powerless your whole life does something terrible to you. I guess we're not so different, are we? dressed up different but still the same. still trapped.

hopefully not for much longer. for either of us