My New Obsession [BxB]

Chapter Nineteen [Part One]- The Beauty That I'm Faking

 “No more than fifteen minutes, guys…” Eddie told us as he pulled the van up in a space a few metres from the building.

 He opened his door and jumped down before coming round to the back and opening the sliding door for us. I had to wait for Matt and George to clear out before I could hop down. I sighed as I stretched and clicked my back. Eddie shut the van and locked it and headed inside. None of us needed the toilet; this was just a cigarette break.

 “I can’t believe he won’t let us smoke in the van…” Jake muttered as he lit up.

 I opened my small rucksack and searched around inside but I couldn’t find my packet. I sighed again; I was not feeling too positive.

 “Dude, I must’ve packed my cigarettes. D’you mind?” I asked Jake. All the others had their own packet- except for Matt and Rich, of course. Jake threw the small cardboard box to me and I pulled one of the cancerous sticks out, rummaging around in my bag until I found my lighter.

 This was great, just great. Something as simple as misplacing my cigarettes was sending me into a pessimistic rage.

 I quickly lit up the cigarette and inhaled and exhaled, pretending as I did so that I was exhaling all the bad energy from my body… corny, I know, but that kind of thing supposedly helped people calm down. George was watching me nervously so I smiled at him.

 “Walk with me?” he asked.

 I nodded and we left the other guys to start a round of the spacious, bleak car park. Not many people were there today as it was midweek and not yet the holiday season. I didn’t know if I was supposed to speak first or wait for George to say something if he had to say it. So I waited. But he didn’t speak. So I did.

 “Are you worrying about Matt?” I asked him. He sniffed.

 “I’m always worrying about Matt…”

 I frowned. I hadn’t meant to get into a dark topic, but Matt was pretty much all there was to think about at that moment. I couldn’t think about the gig tomorrow- no. Not more stress. Was the issue of Matt less stressful than the gig? I decided yes.

 “We’re all looking out for him, George, we’re all doing our best. Especially you.” I reminded him.

 “I know. I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to you guys, for what you’re doing for me and my brother. You’re helping us both live.” he said.

 “Sometimes I wonder who’s more depressed- you or him.” I blurted out. He looked at me. We both took a drag on our cigarettes before continuing the conversation.

 “I’m not depressed. I’m just worried about him.”

 “That’s a lie.”

 “You don’t know what it’s like to be inside my brain.”

 “That’s why you need to tell me. You need to tell me exactly what you’re thinking.”

 “Did you just quote Twilight?”

 “Dude, I’m trying to be thoughtful here.”

 “By thinking about Kristen Stewart’s love for a vampire?” George grinned. I rolled my eyes.

 “I’m sorry that I can’t meet up with your poetic expectations…”

 He laughed and I only then noticed that we’d stopped walking. I looked at him and sighed.

 “Well, I do look quite vampiric.” he stated. “Kiss me, then, my little Bella Swann.”

 “You do know how to get me in the mood…”

 I leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips. When was the last time we had kissed? We’d been so worried about Matt that we hadn’t really had time to be us. I dropped my cigarette and gripped the back of his neck, my other hand on his hip as he wrapped his arms around me and we continued to kiss.

 “Guys, this is a rest stop, not a sex stop!” Bryan yelled to us.

 I pulled away from George slowly and turned to glare at the others. George kept his arms wrapped around me.

 “Hey! If they’re having sex, I need to find me a woman!” Jake stated.

 He didn’t get much further as Bryan tackled him to the ground.

 “We should head back…” George muttered. I nodded.

 Ten minutes of kissing later, we walked back over to the guys. Matt looked rather pale and I offered him an apologetic look. Even if you’re not homophobic, seeing your brother make out with one of your male best friends must be weird. Eddie turned up and he unlocked the van again. We all clambered in and sat where we had been before. George held my hand. Jake threw crisps at Rich. Bryan tried to stop him. Eddie sang along to the radio. And Matt stared out the window.

 I regretted us allowing him that drink. I could see the longing in him as he tried to distract himself with the world outside. Every time someone raised the bottle to their lips, his jaw would lock. His fingers dug into his legs. He breathed deeply.

 I leant my forehead against the cold glass window. It was well into the darkness of night now and all the lights that lined the motorway were turned on, as were the car headlights. I watched the lights speed past until they all started to merge together. Slowly, my eyes closed.